New Playoff Rules Suggested by Bruins

A source close to NHL has confirmed that several GMs have approached the board of governors about some mid-season rules adjustments. In particular, the Boston Bruins are advocating for the removal of sudden death overtimes in favor of immediately calling the game a tie foregoing the extra overtime sessions.

Peter Chiarelli, GM of the Bruins, is apparently defended this position saying that sudden death hockey is "bad for the game". Chiarelli points to the thrill of the long foregotten "kissing your sister" ending from regular season games and has taken it a step beyond by applying it to the playoffs. "It's a long-proven fact that overtimes are terrible for TV ratings and besides they're...er... boring. Yeah, they're boring."

When it was pointed out to Mr. Chiarelli that his team has a terrible overtime record and has gained more points than any other team in the league by playing for a tie with increasingly mundane and maddingly wearisome hockey, Chiarelli feigned a heart attack and actually stabbed himself in the thigh with a Bic pen. When pressed on the issue futher, Chiarelli mumbled something about how good Theo Epstein has it, then took out a crumpled picture of Tom Brady's supermodel girlfriend, gave a leering grin to the press corps, and turned the conference over to head coach Claude Julien.

The press conference lost most of its momentum at this point as Julien expoused the merits of "solid neutral zone gap control" and then fell asleep leaning against Zdeno Chara.

Julien woke up and quipped, "My goodness, did you see that second and third period against Buffalo over the weekend? We clogged up the neutral zone real good and even got off 6 shots. That's playoff hockey."

Caption: Claude Julien's reacts to

the prediction that his dynamic

Bruins will sweep the field with

an inspirational Stanley Cup

run for the ages.