A muffled starting gun, perhaps?

Did none of the Caps read my last entry that the "RACE IS ON"? The answer to that would be a resounding, "NO, YOU IDIOT. Nobody reads this garbage, certainly not NHL players." I'll stop using all caps now, but seriously. You would have thunk the boys thought playing the #2 team in the East would be a cake walk. They thunk bad, and done got smoked.

Before I rail on all that was bad in that game.... and there was a LOT of it (crap, there's goes more all caps, sorry). I'll start with what was good.

1. Johnson's positioning was good for three of the goals. On Koivu's goal he overreacted and pushed himself completely away from the near post where Saku drained it.
2. I finished cooking dinner at 7:40 and was always a couple of minutes behind the game on the trusty DVR. I was able to skip commercials and flip to primaries coverage between periods. A nice and relaxing time with the remote was in my grasp, except...

... there was a matter of having to watch that game: ouch.

Ovie, who is normally never to fault, was getting out of position trying to tatoo Komisarek and seemed visibly off his game. And I think Kovalev must have called for a centering pass in Russian in the third when Ovie placed on his tape going the other direction. He looked befuddled.

Erskine. Mr. Mean-face was pretty exposed. I didn't like the pairing with Green when it was announced but didn't think it could look that bad. I won't recount the turnovers and penalties but will end by saying he should be used in tandem with a mobile partner that has a modicum of defensive responsibility (i.e. anybody but Green).

Semin. Lost. Fleischman. Lost. Pettinger. Lost. Greggie? Dead. Niedermayer!? Dead. You get the message.

"The playoff race is now on..."

That's a quote fromTed Leonsis... that with some other things yesterday. To reflect, this is a league where the Caps can rise from the cellar to be within 1 point of the division lead in 2 months. However, I have to believe that a sudden drop-off is just as possible. To quote the Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction, "Let's not start [congratulating ourselves in a very homoerotic method] yet". If you look at the other drastic changes in the NHL since the coming of Bruce the Almighty, you'll see other seemingly unbelievable trends. For example, at the mid-November mark...

• The Blackhawks were second in the Central and fourth overall in the West
• The Coyotes were in 14th place (and had only just acquired their savior, Bryzgalov)
• The Penguins were struggling mightily (as #1 pick Fleury started nearly every game)
• People still thought the Sabres were just having a "slow start"
• The Flyers had only had two suspensions

Therefore, nothing about the Caps dramatic rise ensures end of season success. However, to be fair, a researcher in Edmonton put together some statistical analysis that takes into account a team's winning percentage, strength of schedule, and other things* If you look towards the middle of the the Eastern Conference percentages on that other site...done? Good. The Caps fall right below the Rangers and Islanders but above the Hurricanes to make the post-season. Pretty sweet, but it points out our boys haven't won anything yet. What it really says is that the Caps need our support for this final push. So for those that live in DC, this means, simply, that you must support your team and make it out to the games. You should paint your face, drink excessively, and taunt opposing players (especially any whose last name rhymes with "Fogger"... or whose first name sounds like... nevermind. Call Jagr a "Ninny". He hates that). You need to find the inner barbarian that hides deeply in all DC sports fans. It's that little voice that screams, "I detest Flyer fans! I'm sick of the massively, intimidating Western Pennsylvania brutes that uncloak their undersized flightless waterfowl fanaticism twice a year! I'm not a middle-class, white-collar minivan executive from the suburbs. I'm a fuckin' warrior God sent down from the hills of Rockville and Fairfax to protect this great city-state DC by shield and spear. To all that is good and gracious, I shall die at the foot of the Mall, fighting the invading northern hordes!" That's the voice, baby. You're hearing it.

Like I said, all denizens of DC & suburbia must unite and sacrifice. The statistic guru has shown that we have an excellent chance to make the run for the playoffs and actually watching games, I believe it. And as I learned in geometry, 44 percent is remarkably close to 50 percent, or better yet '51' percent. And 51% means there's a better chance of success than failure (I figured that out all by myself... thank you Montgomery Co. schools). It means that YOU can tip the balance. YOU can make a difference. Forget your job and familial obligations. Screw the upcoming elections. YOU are the unknown (the dreaded X-factor) in a race where your support can oust the incumbent and proclaim a new epoch. So after the battlefield has been swept clean of the carnage, bodies and blood, the Caps shall stand triumphant on the pitch begging for more. I'll watch on CenterIce from Florida, screaming with them. Most of you will die in the struggles, but it is a sacrafice that I'm willing to make.

*"Other factors" include less concrete items such as how much the hockey gods hates your team. If you haven't clicked on the article link, do so now. You won't see it written in the article, but it jumps out of the statistics. How could the Edmonton Oilers, who came so close to winning the whole enchilada two years ago have a 1% chance of making it? Former chamption Lightning at 11% and the famed Leafs at 3%? It can only be explained by a higher intelligence that punishes the smug. If I'm wrong (and I'm rarely right), I'm pretty sure this scientist has factored all possible diety intervention into the final quotient. Or perhaps he is a demented genius plotting to take over the world from his subarctic lair using statistical anomaly to twist most everyday occurances on their ear. With all mundane events explained in such technical terms, the unexpected and unforeseen will become welcome and novel. Once the writer strike has sufficiently lulled us into a complete Reality-TV stupor, his army shall be unleashed... Umm.... Where the hell was I? Sorry about that, but I've had to substitute my regular coffee with decaf spiked with Robitussin DM.)

Random thoughts...

• How in the hell can the Caps beat the Senators 4 times in a season but still cannot figure out how to beat the Panthers?


• I'd like to see the All-Star game played during the exhibition stage of the season. In this game I'd like competition... They don't have to kill one another but there should be something that gets them motivated. Money? A signed autograph of Jiri Tlusty? There's got to be something that gets them motivated to try and actually win.


• Had Mike Green scored on his race by Biron on Sunday, the Caps would have beat Philadelphia, and that goal would be run on SportsCenter every hour until Green was selected to the East team.

A top-five list that will never make Espo's show on XM. My top-five current most annoying players in the league. Some players I cannot stand because they're cheap, others because they whine:

5. Chris Neil -- The man can play hockey but incessantly runs his mouth which means that if you're watching on TV you have to look at his face and his mouth and gums.

4. Jarrko Ruutu -- Cheap shots galore are given in abundance from the Finnish pest

3. Sean Avery -- Another player who is actually pretty good and universally despised. I think it was Owen Nolan that was quoted as saying while he played for LA that even his own team hated him.

2. Ryan Hollweg -- Mr. Elbows runs around with his number 1 mission being to yap as much as possible in his 4:53 of hockey per night. I saw that he scored a couple of goals the other night. Wonders will never cease.

1. Darcy Tucker -- I'll enjoy watching the Leafs suffer as long as he is on that team. His yapping to the opposition while at the same time whining to the refs during games makes watching their games painful. Prior to his tenure with the Leafs, I liked them. After he leaves, I'll probably like them again. It's for this amazing ability to turn me off to an entire team that he takes top honors.

Honorable mentions: Ian Laperriere, Jordin Tootoo, Chris Pronger, Sidney Crosby, Jaromir Jagr
Some might call this list the "Players That You Friggin' Hate Unless They're On Your Team".

Thoughts?

Dan Snyder Buys Washington Capitals

In a move that has rocked the hockey world to its foundation, Dan Snyder, current owner of the Washington Redskins has purchased the Washington Capitals hockey team for a staggering $600 million. Asked why he overpaid for the franchise by some estimates of $400 mil, Mr. Snyder responded, "Because now my team is the best one out there. Look how much it cost, for god's sake?"

Having attended a fantasy hockey draft party earlier in the season, Mr. Snyder had apparently developed a fondness for ice hockey and began scouting possible teams to purchase about a week ago. When he didn't receive a return call from previous owner Ted Leonsis, Mr. Snyder instructed his finance team to buy the MCI Center, the surrounding 12 city blocks, its shops, the shopkeepers, nearby pedestrians, and panhandlers.


In his press conference, Mr. Snyder finished by saying, "I hope to do the people of Washington a great service by buying... er... bringing them a championship. Washingtonians deserve the Stanley Cup once again!" When it was pointed out by the Washington Post correspondent Tarik El-Bashir than the Washington Capitals have never won the Cup in their 34 years, Mr. Snyder very calmly informed Tarik that he was no longer granting interviews to the Washington Post.


Immediately following his press conference, Mr. Snyder announced that he had hired George Allen's ghost to be the new head coach and that he will personally take over the General Manager capacity from, George McPhee. Since taking the reigns, he has signed forwards Wayne Gretzky, Gordie Howe, Toe Blake (d. 1995), and defensive back Deion Sanders. Apparently, when approached by Mr. Snyder for second run at a championship, Deion replied, "Deion has a deep appreciation for the trust Mr. Snyder has in Deion to save his ... uh.. hockey? Yeah, hockey team."

Getting the ugly win... for a change

Unlike past grinder games, the Caps finally finished one out tonight. I was poised for a really depressing Islander-like, come-from-ahead-to-lose, loss. This is one of the games they have to win if they want to threaten for a playoff spot. They have shown in the last month that they match up well with teams that want to run and gun, but continue to lose to teams who play around the periphery and between the blue lines. I give as examples, the last Islanders game... er, every Islanders game, most games versus the Panthers, and even the Bruins game last week where the Caps are clearly more talented, have grit but cannot put the other guys away.

That mojo changed tonight as the Caps' grinders out-grinded the Avs. It was a fairly boring game, but screw it. Olie played like he's worth 5.5 mil, Steckel scored, Bradley had a 4 second fight.... what's not to like? We've had a dearth of garbage goals around here, it's time to make up for all the lost goals that Pettinger, Kozlov, and the rest of secondary scoring hasn't provided. Viva la garbage!

Why the heck blog?

There's a hundred hockey blogs out there that I read regularly. Sometimes I respond and post my own thoughts but most of the time I just talk to myself about them. But my wife touched on something tonight that I've been thinking for awhile when she said, "Do you read anything you don't have an opinion on? Why don't you have a blog?". My immediate response was, "Well... I'm not more insightful than these guys... I'm not funny... I don't live in a hockey city... I can't... (many, many more excuses...) I don't floss often... I haven't exercised in months..." In other words, there was no excuse and most importantly: there's really NO REASON TO READ THIS BLOG (unless you have nothing better to do with your time and wish to read the opinion of, yet another, hockey blogger).

As I mentioned before, I don't live in a hockey town. Orlando, Florida has exactly two hockey rinks and they're both in the RDV Sportsclub (whose name I believe memorializes the infamous "aRRR tis Da Vegans" quote from the host at nearby DisneyWorld's Pirates of the Carribean ride during 2005's Gay and Lebian day). The venue is owned by the DeVos family (who own the Red Wings farm team, the Griffins). In the offseason (and at the oddest and most random times), we'll hear the Wings are in town and practicing. That's the extent of the hockey in this town. But I digress... as I mentioned there's no hockey here, so lets get back to me.

Melvis the Snowdog is a nickname for my husky, Melvin. When I first moved to Orlando and started fraternizing with the yokels, I met a dude through a girl I was dating who didn't understand that my dog was, in fact, not a wolf but a husky. And who was also hard of hearing in his more often than not inebbriated form and heard Melvin's name as "Melvis". So for awhile, his name was Melvis the Wolf, but that really scared the kiddies in the neighborhood so I didn't call him that much longer so I demoted him back to "Melvis the Snowdog".

For this blog, I will post my thoughts to the betterment or sullyingment (is that a word?) of mankind about: (I dont' think these are in any particular order)

1. General hockey happenings (trade analysis, hot topics, etc)
2. The progress (or regress) of my Caps
3. Fantasy hockey
4. Plain hockey hockey
5. My love for hockey blogging
6. Hockey trends
7. Hockey fashion
8. Hockey shrimp
9. The plight of flightless waterfowl

Keep on keepin' on.