If Jagr were "Jagr the Blogger"

Hi, this is Jaromir coming to you 'live' from the internet. Actually, it's not 'live' because I've already typed it, kinda and you are reading it after. But it's 'live' to me (I crack myself up... I'm laughing). If I don't make you laugh, you should know that I really don't care about you. This blogging this is new and kinda cool. I normally only use the internet for gambling and finding women but I will try this once and hope not to disappoint. Normally, I try to only disappoint on the ice, but today I will try to disappoint in blogger world (that's a joke, I'm funny).

Let's see... what about me... hmm. Oh, today I played a very an uninspired game of hockey against my old team, the Washington Capitals. I cannot help it that I play it bad. I saw Nyls before the game and it made me sad again. Plus I didn't like Washington very much as the team wanted to surround me with hard-working types that made me look bad. I don't like to look bad which is why I spend serious money on my hair-stylist. In Washington, I told the press everyday that I was "happy and cannot explain why I play bad". This was my "I just can't be satisfied" whine. It makes GMs feel that you are about to mentally crumble and that they should sell you quickly for a bag of pucks and a Dolly Parton CD compilation.

George McPhee did that for me, sending me to the Rangers who I wanted to play for all the time. I liked them so much and I knew it already.... I mean I didn't know that I REALLY liked them yet, but... I will shut up already.

New York is a great place where building are really tall, legal gambling is a pretty close drive, and I can have anonymous sex with men in park. The fans loved me for a time but now the people are starting to treat me not so nice. I try to play better but they would not sign my slow playmaking center Nylander to a contract extension and it is their fault I play badly. I cannot blame me if they do not surround me with at least 5 Czechs, two interpreters, a snow cone machine in my apartment, and a playmaking center that likes slow play like me. Now the fans, they boo me here too, but I don't care. I'm going to Russia to play next year with my buddy Yashin. To all those who bought my sweater, screw you, I'm rich, beootch.