Melvis the Snowdog

A Great One, Gone.

2009-05-22T13:53:00.001-04:00

Hi,
To those who knew him, I wanted to let you know that Melvin is no longer with us. Some of you know that he's been having seizures for the last month, increasing in frequency and severity. His recoveries were long, cloudy and painful and reached the point where he stopped being the crotch-sniffing, face licker who was so special to our family. In his memory, I've compiled 10 stories that you may have not know about him. Feel free to send along any that I missed...

I hope you remember him fondly.
Chris
--

10. Escape from Athenstraz - Most people knew what a pain in the butt Melvin was to catch once loose, and the first taste came after only having Melvin for a month back in 1997. While in England for a week, Melvin went to stay with his new uncle Mike in Athens. Within an hour of dropping him off, Melvin has escaped from Mike's basement by leaping through a small 6x9 missing pane of glass in a back door which was 3 feet off the ground. Mike searched but couldn't locate the elusive husky. Fortunately Melvin was found by a household of hippies who kept him in the backyard on a couch for week feeding him homegrown vegetables and soy burgers.

9. Escape from Athenstraz II - I returned from England and listened to my voicemail hearing...

"[electronic answering maching voice]MONDAY.... [hippie voice] Uh, hello, this is Joe and I think we found your dog. He's a husky and kind of nuts? Give us a call at....".

"[electronic answering maching voice]WEDNESDAY.... [frustrated hippie voice] Dude, I think we have the right number, but looking up the dog's tag, they say you live in Atlanta.... I'm really confused, anyway, we still have this dog here. He's cool and all but... uh, like he ate my girlfriend's socks, her loofah, and ransacked the kitchen. Give us a call at..."

"[electronic answering maching voice]FRIDAY.... [scared hippie voice] Hey, I don't know where you are but this dog is like living in our backyard and chained to the couch now. We didn't want chain him up but he was eating everything in the vegetable garden, kept jumping over the fence, and sent a couple of cats up some really big trees. Dude..."

It was now Saturday and I called Mike and told him where Melvin was camped
out. Mike, thankful for a chance at dogsitting redemption, retrieved the "dog
from hell" from said hippies, plugged the missing window pane with a pillow, and
put Melvin in the basement to wait for my imminent return. Melvin looked around
the basement, ran at full speed towards the door with the pillow, and in one
move, leaped into the air popping the pillow back through the hole and sailed
into the backyard. The ensuing chase description sounds like an old Abbott and
Costello skit and one that I have lived many times.

8. Nine Lives - I first suspected that he was a reeeally lucky dog when I first setup his dog run in the backyard in Atlanta. I rigged a 50 foot aircraft cable across the yard which ran from a basement dog door to the back of the property's 6 ft. high chain link fence. Along the run was strung a 15 foot aircraft cable lead/leash that could slide freely along the run giving a great range of access across the backyard. I had to use a steel lead because he chewed through the original nylon lead and escaped (cue Abbott and Costello music). I came home from work a day or two after installing this masterpiece and looked in the backyard but the dog is gone. I was in disbelief how he possibly could have escaped from this my fortress when I noticed the 15 foot lead all the way at the end of the run at the back fence but draped over the top of the chain link fence. Then I notice Melvin on the other side of the fence looking at me with a big grin. The lead was about 2 feet to short for him to sit or lay down so he was standing on his hind legs to prevent himself from being choked to death.

7. "Pooped a flashlight" - Lee Peters, dogsitter extraordinaire, was walking Melvin at night and noticed that something that appeared to be a long, cylindrical, red flashlight came out of Mel instead of your run of the mill excreta. He called me in a panic and uttered these famous words, "Melvin just pooped a flashflight". It turns out he didn't poop a flashlight, but instead a reconstituted 32-oz. Jif peanut butter jar that was left at ground level in the recycling bin. Ouch.

6. He had the hands ...err, teeth of a surgeon - Once again, with me traveling, Melvin pulled another amazing feat of dietary indiscretion. During a business trip, I had two female friends dogsitting at the house who decided to go out dancing leaving Melvin alone with their dirty laundry (big mistake). Melvin pulled one girls jeans from her suitcase and proceded to "snip" out the... umm... two tastiest regions? One section was about the size of an outstretched hand and the other a perfectly round half-dollar (you can probably guess where they were). But the most impressive feat beyond the perfect symmetry of the cuts was the 1/2 inch isthmus of fabric left untouched between the two holes.

5. Dead Car, Dirty Dog - On my third date with my wife-to-be Jennifer, my car broke down on the side of State Rte 528 as we returned from a Spring Training baseball in Melbourne that was rained out due to massive thunderstorms. Stranded in the middle of nowhere in this storm, a tow truck came to get us and returned us back to my house 3 hours after I expected to be home. Melvin was frightened by thunder which caused him to freak out, escape, and run through the streets like a madman so I was hurrying to get home to see if he was okay. On top of these fears, my date was a disaster, I was running late to pick up my son, and I didn't have any food for dinner. I walked in the house and Melvin was sitting innocently by the front door tail wagging to greet his loving master, except that he and the room looked very different. The floor of the foyer and dining room were coated in thick black mud and Melvin himself was covered head to paw. He had been trying to dig under the back fence to freedom. I wish I had a picture because you could only make out his blue eyes, pink tongue.

4. Abbott and Costello Meet the Orthopaedist - His last famous escape took place in February 2008. I was away in England once again, and Jen was home alone with the animals. She awoke from during a thunderstorm around midnight and went to check on Melvin, but he had flown the coop. Jen, like Mike before, would not lose the dog on her watch so she set out in her truck to scour the neighborhood in the storm. She spotted him walking down the sidewalk looking for trashcans to loot (or whatever it was he did when he escaped). So Jen went to head him off by pulling into the next driveway. She jumped out and lunged for his collar but he swerved away from the dive. Jen went down in a heap in the rain and broke her kneecap. Melvin sensed she was hurt and returned to see what was the matter. She somehow dragged him into the truck and got him home and cleaned up before giving me my wake up call in England.

3. "Party foul, dude"- I was told to keep a watchful eye on Melvin while at a wine and cheese party at Mike's Athens group house. Melvin's first mischief was on an unsuspecting girl's white wine which he spilled and lapped off the floor. I apologized then kept Melvin on the floor next to my armchair, scolding him if he tried to wonder through the party looking for goodies. I was doing well, but the pouch backed behind the couch, and behind the curtains before I figured out where he had gone. I was panicking and looking around the room, then I see his snout appearing from behind a lamp ever so slowly nosing towards the 2 lb cheese log on the far side of the room. When I screamed, "Melvin!" He grabbed the log, knocked over the lamp, spilled a couple more glasses of wine, and ran for his life (cue the Abbott and Costello music).

2. You gave him what to eat? - Driving back from DC once after Thanksgiving, my mother gave Melvin some scraps that I HAD ADVISED AGAINST GIVING HIM. Sorry for yelling, but he had a delicate stomach and mom knew this. But just like spoiling her grandchildren, she could not resist giving Mel a bowlful of turkey skin and bacon. About halfway through the trip, Melvin was sitting in the front seat of the Mountaineer and started getting ansy. I noticed this and told him we would stop the car shortly. Apparently, his English wasn't so good and I know my Huskese was pathetic because his tail turned to face me, his tail went up, and out came... I screamed and almost retched. The ghastliness hit the center console, slid down the plastic divider like a kid on a water slide, and settled down under the power seat. Thank goodness Jacob was in diapers because I pulled to the side of the road and began to scoop with Pampers. Melvin finished up on side of the highway then feeling refreshed pulled the leash out of my hands to play some "tag" on the side of the road; unfortunately that road was I-95 (cue Abbott and Costello music overlaid with the screams of Godzilla). Just as he dashed out in front the car to go play with the tractor trailers, I dove, and caught the bouncing retractable leash with my outstretched fingers yanking him back from the oncoming cars.

1. A Warm Welcome - When Jacob was born, a nurse recommended that I take the coddling blanket home to leave at the house to signal the animals that there was a new arrival. I walked in the house, dropped the blanket on the floor of the foyer, grabbed a shower, then went back to the hospital. Brandy was discharged a couple hours later and we returned to the house to see Melvin bubbling with excitement. The blanket was stretched flat on the ground and he needed to see what was in the car seat/basket thing. I held Jacob low for him to sniff and he just slammed his head into the basket and kept it there for 3 or 4 deep breaths, then he popped out and started running around the house jumping for joy. I've never seen anything like it.

No posts = Happy blogger

2009-02-14T08:39:00.002-05:00

I think the Caps success is inversely proportional to my stress level. i.e. Caps play well and will make the playoffs and I'm a happy dude. Play poorly and look like poo; I'm sending posts from my bed via the phone at 3:00 am.

Ergo, I'm not posting too much. The Caps look pretty good. They still lose their focus for a period or two at a time against teams like Los Angeles and Ottawa making those games much tougher than they should be but overall I'm pretty happy.

However, my stress level will be on the rise here for the next couple of weeks as the trade deadline approaches. I'm of the opinion that there are better options out for a big shutdown D-man than Sha-Mo. His struggles this year have been pretty well documented and will be replaced next year by a less expensive candidate including Tyler Sloan or Sean Collins. If he were to be packaged up for a rental D with a pick, I'd be ecstatic.

Caps 5 - Rags 4 - Timeline of events

2008-12-24T09:34:00.003-05:00

Tuesday - December 23, 2008

11:31 am - FeedReader RSS reader alerts me from Capitals Insider, Tarik El-Bashir "Johnson Sick; Theodore to Start".

11:32 am - I get in my car to go to Publix to buy more beer.

11:35 am - I realize that 8 beers is probably enough and change headings to ABC for bourbon.

Noon - 5:15 pm - Some nervous pacing/semblance of work transpires.

5:15 pm - (a.k.a beer:30) pssshhht.
5:30 pm - psshhht.
5:45 pm - psshhht.
6:00 pm - Remember that I need to make dinner for my wife. Heh, heh.
6:15 pm - psshhht. Put nurishment in body.
6:30 pm - psshhht. XBox to ease the mind until 7:00 start.
7:00 pm - Game at MSG commences
7:15 pm - 0-1 Rangers. Send first of many, "I told you so" text messages to JT believers.
7:20 pm - 0-2 Rangers. Sulk. Psshhht.
7:21 pm - 0-3 Rangers. Practice my George McPhee voice while figuring out how to get in touch with Ray Emery's cell phone number.

"Ray, this is George. We'd like to have you be a goalietender..." Try again.

"Mr. Emery. Are you available? err... Not personally but as a
goaltender, professional-ly. As a professional goaltender..." Try again.

"Agent E? This is HQ. The plan that we discussed in Antwerp over the summer is in effect. Repeat: It's gone 100% off the reservation. We're instituting Plan B. Operation: HOLY GOALIE. Return to Washington for reassignment." I like that one.

7:30 pm - Calmness ensues as Brett Johnson, with shaking and tremors visible on camera, stops all the pucks. (Then barfs in ice bucket next to Zamboni).

8:00 pm - JT resumes his netminding duties. Pssshhht. Locate the bourbon and put the 2-Liter Coke on stand-by.

8:05 pm - 0-4 Rangers. Screw the Coke.

8:15 pm - I'm heavily into my drink and playing Vexed on the phone with one eye closed when Alex changes the game in his next three shifts.

Caps kill a penalty at the 9 minute mark. Oveckhin steps on with Backstrom and Kozlov and have a nice tic-tac-toe to Ovie down low where he knocks it off Lundquist's blocker/shoulder. He bolts back to the net as the whistle blows. Takes a cheapie by Stall and butt ends him to the gut. He starts a scrum. I smile.
At the 12 minute mark, he takes a shift that's a minute and thirty seconds long. He enters the zone twice in control of the puck then shoots. The team loses the zone but he nails Redden in the corner. Rangers defense and Kozlov change but the Sloan pushes the puck right back to Ovie now with Fehr and Backstrom. Staal and Roszival both follow Backstrom into the corner leaving Zherdev to cover Ovie. He spins and fires a fluky goal that deflects off of Roszival. There is half-hearted much-rejoicing Pythonesque, "And the good guys score, yeah." On the next shift. Laich, Kozlov, and Fleischmann turn up the intensity and get a couple more shots off. Sam Rosen remarks that the momentum in the game has shifted. I put away my phone.
At the 15 minute mark, #8 resumes his terror. He blasts around/through Redden then later in the shift outmuscles Mara and Kalinin to get to the front of the net for a deflection. Gets the rebound, takes it around the net with Mara slashing him. Punches the puck to Backstrom who gives it to Kozlov in the slot. Kozzie rips a shot that deflects into the netting as he gets hit by Mara. Ovie steps between Mara and Kozlov at the whistle then turns to camera as it breaks for commercial and yells "Fuck" loud enough for MSG and all its microphones to pickup. I start to drink water.

The third period was blissful. Ovie hit anything that moved and Theodore stopped the puck. Then the Caps came back and won. After the game, I sat in disbelief with chills staring at the Center Ice "Good Night" message and listening to the porn soundtrack for a solid 10 minutes.

I wanted to write about this game but I didn't think writing after that many beers was productive (it shows I still had some sense about me). Realizing I had the DVR running, I give a big smile, and remark to my wife that this is in the top five of the 1000's of Caps games I have ever seen. Then, I went to bed* and had glorious Caps dreams.

*Editorial note - This last part is not true. Before bed, I set up the motion detector on my webcam to figure out which dog is pissing on the patio. This, of course, failed miserably when the battery died around 2:00 am because drunk ass forgot to plug in the A/C adapter. Secretly, I fear that I'm the one doing the patio pissing and subconsciously "forgot" the power supply. Going immediately to bed just sounded better than having to explain my vain attempt to delay the inevitable realization that I'm in a territorial pissing contest with a husky and a rottweiler. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story, eh?

Between the Pipes/Between the Ears

2008-12-21T20:51:00.007-05:00

There are three main points to take away from the Flyers debacle of Saturday.
1. The Caps can generate some offensive chances
2. Great goaltending is pretty special to have on your side
3. The Caps are in need of a third line agitator/middleweight

Problem #1:
Having a lotta "O" is not really a problem. Even with Semin and Fedorov on the shelf for much of the season, the Caps can generate many offensive opportunities. This is a point, not a problem. I'm an idiot.

Problem #2:
This is THE elephant in the room. On Frozen Blog put up a link to some video stating that the Caps are actively looking for goaltending. Yesterday was a painful reminder of the importance of timely goaltending. Johnson has outplayed Theodore for most of the year but has the knock against him that he can lapse. I've seen arguments that even elite goaltenders have off nights, but Johnson has rarely been called elite so he needs to prove himself night after night. In regards to their goaltending, tt seems the Caps have the following choices at this point:

a. No changes and ride Johnson and Theodore. Risks: .792 save percentage at exactly the wrong time. Advantages: No further expenditures
b. Keep the goaltending and upgrade the defense. Risks: This assumes that your goaltending is Chris Osgood good and you're stating that your goaltending doesn't need to be great if your overall team defense is bad to the bone. Currently, I'd say our team defense is bad to marrow which is very different than the bone. When the #1 pairing is a 20 year old rookie and Milan Jurcina (a.k.a. the playoff puck coughing up machine), you've got issues. Advantages: Caps have a considerable number of offensive players and prospects. If a palatable package could swing a genuine minute munchin Top 4 d-man, it could make the goaltending more attractive.
c. Give up on Theodore and bring up Varlamov. Risks: Ruining the kid, a la Jim Carey. Advantages: By waiving Theodore, the Caps could rid them of his contract (let's be realistic). I think the Caps are a much better team with a Johnson/Varlamov pairing then with Theodore. He's just not good.
d. Trade for another #1. Risks: We may have to give up some valuable assets for an aged starter like Dwayne Roloson. Plus who knows how bad the defense will make the next guy look? Advantages: We could shed some salary (ahem... Nylander).
e. Call Ray Emery's cell phone. Risks: heh, heh, heh Advantages: No doubt he is a competitor that may relish another kick at the can. With a performance laden contract... its just crazy enough to work.

Problem #3
It was pointed out by several that the Caps were exposed horribly for a lack of second tier of toughness in St. Louis game with no retaliation for the Backes cross-check to Semin. God bless Matt Bradley for getting his ass kicked every 7th game, but there needs to be another tier of toughness on the ice that can get sprinkled into the 2nd and 3rd lines. I think back to the Scrapitals of circa 1990 with a heavyweight (May) plus several middleweights (Hunter, Kypreos, Cicarelli). McPhee recognized this last year when he traded for Matt Cooke. Cooke may not have added much on the score sheet but the team was more aggressive when he played and less likely to back down when confronted with a hard checking team like Minnesota, San Jose, Boston, or St. Louis. I think with Sundin's addition to Vancouver, there may be a move to make two very dangerous lines making the feisty forwards of Burrows or Kesler expendable. Likewise, Kevin Bieksa is tough and would upgrade the backline. I like Laperriere and McLeod in Colorado, Carcillo in Phoenix, and Neil in Ottawa. Then there's always Ray Emery...

Brent Johnson on the "In the Slot" XM 204

2008-12-09T17:06:00.007-05:00

Brent Johnson was on with Phil Esposito and Mike Ross on "In the Slot" on XM 204. The interview can be downloaded here. He talks about guys coming back from injury (specifically Semin and Fedorov) and who has the hardest shot. Have a listen.

The answer to my prayers

2008-12-09T08:09:00.003-05:00

Just as I was beginning to think it couldn't happen, I see this. Of course, that doesn't mean that it will happen but at least its an option. Another in-house option would be Varlamov. He seems to have been annointed the "Next One" and he's Russian. Either option is better than the present course.

Carolina Blue

2008-12-08T18:44:00.004-05:00

Yesterday afternoon's game in Raleigh left me a little blue for a couple of reasons:

1. Need points - As BB mentioned, the points were there for the taking. The next couple of games aren't going to be any easier going against a rejuvenated Ottawa, a smarting Montreal, and a positively juggernautical (a word? I like it, screw it) Bruins squad.

2. Bad goalie, bad - My dogs listen to me when I chastise them in this manner. I tell them they're bad and they cease bad behavior. If only it was that easy with Josés. I think with Josés, they need to feel slighted or indignant to play better (such as playing against your old team -- see Montreal). Apparently feeling job pressure doesn't work. I wonder when management says enough is enough.

3. Lepisto needs new skates - He complained about his skates so maybe that was the cause of his blunder against Samsonov... AND Andy Sutton last week. It's possible... He's got great hands which get him out of trouble and let him direct the puck at will... but he looks like a newborn baby colt on wobbly knees whence the pressure begins.

4. Alzner looks good - Shultz may have found his replacement

Saturday a.m. news

2008-12-06T08:26:00.006-05:00

I'll fit in as much as possible before Mrs. Melvisdog awakes...

1. The Bears recall Johann somebody from the Rays - A preface to another Bear coming to Washington? Who's hurt? I missed the memo, but its possible that Fleischman tripped over his 10 friggin' goals coming out of the shower and pulled his disbelief muscle (I've got a stupid drunken bet with Peaker that he won't hit 30 this year. He's probably already planning how to spend it).

2. The Yotes are facing a 25 to 35 million dollar loss this season. They're a team I've enjoyed watching on Center Ice. Good grit, speed, talent, youth etal. I hope they make it through the next 2 seasons with their shirts on their backs and financially stable.

3. I won't editorialize on the Avery suspension, but you've gotta love it when your own team hates your guts.

4. Adam Proteau's an Ovie fan. On the Hockey New's first show on XM204 yesterday, he was asked if he could pick Malkin or Ovechkin in the 2004 draft, who goes first. He confirmed Ovie as the number 1 spot citing personality and marketability among his likeable traits.

Friday musings...

2008-12-05T08:18:00.002-05:00

A couple of notes about the Caps this morning...

1. Lepisto could benefit from greatly from pressure drills. You know like a drill where rushing forwards scream obscenities at him and throw ground beef at his feet while he tries to move the puck with a pair chopsticks.

2. The Caps keep getting burned by guys coming out of the penalty box.

3. If the Caps need to dish a forward to a team with some more proven puckhandling d-men, call Doug Risebrough of the Wild.

4. Steckel seemed to move his feet last night better than games past. He still took a hooking penalty in the 2nd but he was playing with some giddiyup.

5. Is a regular season pointless knowing that there's a juggernaut waiting from the West that pounds opponents, even when the play badly, like veal piccata?

Introducing your Washington Bears!

2008-12-03T15:19:00.003-05:00

I guess there's a reason that defensemen spend a couple years getting seasoned in the minors, huh? I can't speak directly to how terrible that the blueline played last night against Florida, but can from different accounts see that some troubling trends are emerging from the Caps.

Most of their current woes are the result of the defense facing constant pressure and coughing up the puck on the forecheck. To alleviate this, the defense has been instructed to make safe choices and simplify their game. This leads to the second biggest problem which is... generating consistent offense. Currently the Caps are suffering from poor outlet passes being generated from our defensemen. Poti, Green, and even Fedorov in his limited duties have been stalwarts on getting the puck into the attack zone with speed. Currently, the puck gets to the neutral zone but loses momentum as our forwards have to fight to retain possession... let alone enter the attack zone under control.

The short term answer is to keep it simple and not make dumb mistakes such as delay of game penalties (i.e. Fehr), obstruction in the offensive zone (i.e. Nylander), and save the inevitable infraction for those that are really needed like getting caught flatfooted at the blueline (i.e. ALL CURRENT DEFENSEMEN). The longterm response is get better soon.

Alzer's XM204 Interview

2008-12-03T14:44:00.010-05:00

Karl Alzner was on NHL Today on XM 204 today with Don and Jim Dowd. Click to hear the interview. He discusses his mistakes from the last couple games, his pasttimes and other good stuff.

What the hell is happening?

2008-11-08T08:25:00.005-05:00

Where has Melvis been you may ask yourself... or not. Probably not. In case you're wondering, one word, SUFFERING. This season was to be all Caps glory, all Caps fever sweeping its way across the globe... (sigh). Instead I've seen some pretty inconsistent play over the last month. In general, all the Caps fall into three categories.

Awake and Kicking Ass - These are players that are keeping everybody afloat -- Semin, Flash, Nylander, Fedorov, Poti, Bradley, Johnson, Laich -- and they need NO discussion.
Awake and Groggy - There are also those that are playing well but are not being rewarded such as Ovi, Brashear, Gordon, Steckel. These players have a consistency about their game and are also of little concern.
Still Asleep - The rest, however, look like they're in their pajamas. That said, I'm beginning to see signs of life from the boys as several of their key players seem to have woke from their summer slumber so I'll start with them...

Just woke up and running for the Bus
Victor Kozlov - He played with determination against Carolina that he would no longer be pushed off the puck and when he did lose the puck, he hustled to backcheck and get he puck back. He was pucking good in other words.

Nick Backstrom - Perhaps the most disappointing Cap in my mind woke up on Thursday. He looks like he's been slowed by his ankle and maybe 10 pounds of cupcakes (nice moobs). I've been dissecting his game more than any other so far as he's missed the explosiveness and skating stride of last year. Thus, my wife was shocked that I traded for him immediately after the Canes game. Teemu for Nick... oh dear what in God's name am I thinking. Nick, you better not get tired, lay down, and hit the snooze button. Keep running and lose them cupcakes.

John Erskine - I've always admired Erskine's toughness and pure craziness but wished for him to harness it for good (steady intimidating toughness on the puck and around the net), rather than evil (bad penalties, goes out of way to make punishing hits, etc). His last two games have been perhaps his best as a Cap. I hope he keeps it up because little else from the D stalwarts has gone right.

Almost awake
Chris Clark - He's huffing and puffing and trying hard but seems to have lost his positioning and ability to receive a pass, and get the shot off. Clark won't dazzle you with a sleight of hand, pull the puck off the half wall, walk in front and rip one topshelf, so we should stop kidding ourselves. If Chris wants to be known as a goal scorer, he needs to drive the net consistently when he's on a top line or the PP. He needs to get down low, look for rebounds and be ready to sacrifice teeth, fingers, kidneys, and ears if he wants goals. If he's not in a position to score, he needs to understand his role and plug away. He seems like he's coming around.

Milan Jurcina - I've liked Jurcina ever since he was a Bruin getting 6 minutes a night. Actually that's a lie. I've liked Jurcina ever since I opened $10 pack of 2005 Upper Deck Premiere Hockey Cards (these were the ones that purportedly contained small strands of Ovechkin DNA in every 100,000th pack). So I shelled out for about 30 of these things and all I got was a bit of Milan Jurcina fingernail (Yes, you are correct, I wasn't married yet and No, probabilities and mathematics were never a strength). Now, I'm a fan and he's not terrible (like he was in the Philly series). That's it. Go Milan!

Missed the Alarm
Eric Fehr - I need to see more of him to make a proper judgement but this was to be his year and he's sleeping through it. There's a hungry Finn in the "A" that's waiting for that spot as well...

Mike Green - I believe he's playing with an bum wheel which is limiting his ability to skate backwards. He has three forward gears and only one reverse which makes any issues with that one reverse a big problem... at least for a player who's primary responsibility should be defense. He hasn't shown consistently that he's able to get back and remain effective.

Shoane Morrissonn - I don't know what has happened to his game but I can only think it's his confidence or the lingering effects of a rough post-season. He needs a scrap, a goal, or a new girlfriend... something. I hope its just his confidence suffering and he has a chance to get out of his funk. Outside the goalie, the Caps nation relies on him more than any other player to keep the opposition off the scoresheet.

Go Ahead and Kick Him, But I Think He's Dead
Jose Theodore - Maddeningly ill-equipped to handle the puck. Gaping 5-Hole. Tentative as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. If he can make it past the first period, he's pretty athletic and stops the pucks he should. However, his early play reminds me of Kolzig after Huet appeared last year. Kolzig lost his mojo and began playing a more panicked, less-disciplined game after Huet came probably as a result of knowing his job was in serious jeopardy. I wanted to give Jose the benefit of the doubt, but now I doubt the benefits... huh?

Jeff Schultz - I've tried really hard to like Schultz but nobody gets knocked off the puck by forecheckers more than Jeff. Nobody gets blown by standing flat-footed more then Jeff. I read that he added 10 pounds of muscle in the offseason to become a more physical player, which I thought was terrific. If we could just get all those pesky opposing forwards to stand still so Jeff can hit him, we'll be in good shape.

Preseason Predictions

2008-09-23T22:36:00.005-04:00

Everybody has predictions. They're kinda like opinions but with a little statistical proof and hunches thrown in for good measure. Last year I got 10 of 16 playoff teams correct (which isn't great) and the ones I got wrong, well, I was really wrong. For instance, Dallas finished 2nd in the conference, not 12th. Montreal finished 1st in the East, not 14th (ouch...). So in an attempt to redeem myself or else invite more rotten veggies to be tossed at me, here we go:

EASTERN CONFERENCE
------------------
1. Montreal - I think the additions of Tanguay, Lang, and Laraque push these guys into the best spot in the East. I still don't see them being tough enough to go far in the post-season... (playoff predictions at the end).

2. Washington - I'm slightly biased but I think the Caps will win many, many SE division games and pile-up points. Some pundits argue that Huet single-handedly vaulted the team into the playoffs but the Caps under Bruce were on pace for over 100points over a whole season... with Olie and Johnson. A starting Theodore is an improvement anyway you look at it.

3. Philadelphia - This team has all the tools to make the finals but will be hampered by a stronger Atlantic division and end up with 3rd.

4. Pittsburgh - The Pens will still be a good team but are not nearly as deep as last year. They could seriously miss Conklin if Fleury goes down (look up Danny Sabourin's career numbers... scary). The loss of Whitney (and maybe Gonchar) could seriously hamper their season making even 4th place optimistic.

5. Ottawa - The Sens have not done enough in the offseason to seriously challenge for the division or conference. Gerber is a dependable regular season tender and the trade of Meszaros for 1/3 of Tampas defense (and arguably their best two d-men) was a brilliant stroke of blind luck.

6. Boston - They can win some tough battles and will have an underdog mentality about them again this year. The addition of Ryder, the return of Bergeron, and a more mature Kessel will give them more balanced scoring which was their worst enemy last year.

7. Buffalo - The Sabres should bounce back from their horrendous season. You can count on more consistent performances from Vanek and Roy. Afinogenov and Connoly must play better but the team will benefit from the addition of a solidifying force in Rivet.

8. New Jersey - As much as I don't believe they will make the post-season, I'd be a fool to count them out. This is what I've been hearing in my ear.... i'm pretty sure they're whispering Vegas ghosts (chriss.....don't bet against martin brodeur you foooool.....)

9. Carolina - I would have slotted them into the playoffs had they not lost Justin Williams. Brind'Amour is looking human as well and seems to be breaking down. Lastly I don't think Staal has the stamina to last an entire season as the center of the only scoring line.

10. NY Rangers - This team will be more streaky than last year (if that's possible). Making up the loss of Jagr and Straka with Zherdev and Naslund is akin to trying to replace a rifle with a bb-gun and a bent sight.

11. Florida - I think this team has the potential to make the playoffs with their new defense and a more consistent Vokoun. If this team starts hot, they could bump New Jersey or Buffalo out.

12. Tampa Bay - This team will be fun to watch but will allow many, many goals. I would predict them for a dead last finish but the quality of forwards and veterans on their team will help them persevere and fight down the stretch.

13, 14, 15. Toronto, Atlanta, NY Islanders - I know it's a cop-out to not actually rank these three but its rather like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. I'm not saying anything revelatory here. These teams are not good.

WESTERN CONFERENCE
------------------
1. Detroit - They will once again make hay in the Central making them tough to catch. Putting Hossa on a top line with Datsyuk and Zetterberg is almost unfair.

2. Edmonton - This prediction is as bold as they come but I don't see a stronger team in the NW and the Pacific will cannibalize each other for points giving Edmonton #2.

3. Anaheim - The Ducks will return to form this year after their 2007 hangover. As this team will most likely get blown apart next year, look for changes if things aren't working out mid-season.

4. Dallas - Marty Turco is second only to Roberto Luongo in the West but has a much better cast. Much of their season rests on solid D but little defensive depth but excellent scoring depth up front.

5. San Jose - Another Pacific team that will finish just a couple points behind Anaheim and Dallas. Can they make the jump this year to become a true contender or will they streak and tease as they have for the last 3 years. Shark's fans will be circling the blood in the water if McClellan cannot push these guys to the next level.

6. Chicago - The kids will make the playoffs behind the best goalie tandem in the NHL and a very mobile attacking defense. This teams biggest detriment will be its lack of depth up front. The loss of Robert Lang makes this team too predictable with a single scoring line. Watch for early changes if they start slowly as Dale Tallon is forced to play some cards to move Khabibulin plus one of the coveted young defenseman (most likely Barker) to get scoring help.

7. Phoenix - Olli Jokinen's addition gives this team two very skilled scoring lines and excellent grit to boot. Their 3rd and 4th lines will be as tough as any in the league. Their defense has taken a step backwards in the Jokinen trade but is sufficient. As shown last year, if Bryzgalov remains healthy, this team gains confidence and will be even more exciting to watch.

8. Nashville - Can Dan Ellis handle the #1 tender duties without a solid #2 pushing him for starts? There defense is young, gritty, and mobile. Their forward core will sorely miss Radulov for the 30+ goals he would have provided but should manage enough goals to get them into the show.

9. Columbus - This will not be the year for Columbus. They have no glaring holes any longer but they also lack the talents to see the great upside. This team could be renamed "Rick Nash and Gnashers".

10. Minnesota - Brunette does not replenish the loss of Rolston and Demitra. This team could fall further than 10th.

11. Calgary - This team will also grind down opponents and have unfortunately put the onus of their season on the wonky back of Todd Bertuzzi. I expect an early spike in offensive production from this team and the new blood but Kiprusoff is a notorious slow starter which could mean early heartbreak. Combined with fan restlessness as the season progresses and this team could be a trainwreck.

12. Colorado - This team has overperformed for two straight years. Last spring their depth was seriously exposed against the Wings. This year, they've lost their best defensive asset, Theodore, and their offensive core is getting very gray.

13. St. Louis - This is another team that, like Colorado, has great offensive hopes pinned on the chests of a some older icons (Tkachuk and Kariya). Boyes, Stempniak, and McDonald must provide more offense and the new kids Berglund and Oshie must dominate for this team to have a prayer in the great and mighty West.

14. Vancouver - I'm still waiting for Gillis' big move. He may have flushed it at the beginning of the summer with the ill-conceived proposal to Mats "The Savior" Sundin.

15. Los Angeles - You have to admire a team that strips itself and starts again. Their defense is too weak to seriously contend and their goaltending is.... sporadic (that's the best I can say about). Hopefully the team figures out who is their goalie of the future by season's end: Ersberg or Bernier.

PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS
-------------------

Eastern Finals - Capitals v Flyers
Western Finals - Anaheim v Detroit

STANLEY CUP FINAL
-----------------
CAPITALS V ANAHEIM (you had to know that was coming)

Poor Olie...

2008-08-31T08:52:00.007-04:00

Meszaros traded from Ottawa for 1/3 of Tampa Defense

Okay, that's not a real headline but its accurate. As a hockey fan who takes in an occasional Bolt's game, I'm shaking my head in disbelief.

Breaking Down the Deal
1. Filip Kuba to Ottawa - He's never going to be compared to Nicklas Lidstrom or even Nicklas Wallin, but last year he amounted to 1/2 of the shutdown pairing placed on the ice against AO and other strong offensive lines. Granted, this was out of necessity and not the natural order of defensemen, but he was deemed the best option by a pretty decent coach. Look at this link for the last Caps v. Bolts match-up you'll see that Kuba was on the ice for 10.4 of AO's 23.31. Second only to...

2. Alexandre Picard to Ottawa - I'm not sure where to begin here. I remember during this game thinking that the kid could hit, dig in his own corners retrieving the puck and making a decent first pass. Torts was obviously in a "nothing to lose", "lets play the kids" mentality but Picard had 24:19 of ice time, second only to Dan Boyle's 26 minutes. Plus, he played 11.2 minutes against AO -- tops on the team. Smaby, Lundin, Janik, and Karlsson together totalled 9.1 minutes against Ovechkin in that game.

3. Andrej Meszaros to Tampa - Watching him play as a rookie when he was putting up those ludicrous +/- numbers, I was impressed by his ability to find the open seams in the ice, and take a shot. I didn't notice his defensive skills but I didn't care because I was kicking myself over not grabbing him in my Fantasy league off the waiver wire. Apparently Len & Oren have a similar mentality. "Oh man, we could get him for nothing" must have been the sentiment around Hockey ThinkTank that masquerades itself as the Bolt's front-office nowadays. The difference, however, was that he wasn't a free waiver wire pick and in fact cost quite a bit.

In 2006-2007, Team Melvis drafted him as a second defenseman, and he was expected to deliver the goods. Puzzlingly, after a miserable start to the season statistically I decided to watch a couple of games before deciding whether to toss the bum out on the street. What I saw was that he wasn't joining the rush, was stuck playing in no man's land between the bluelines, and showed little of the same confidence as he did playing as a rookie in 05-06. With the departure of Chara, he was getting tougher opponents and was asked to take a larger defensive role. In short, I tossed him. Team Melvis didn't pay much attention to him in 2007-2008, so he may have broken out of his funk. However, looking at the comments from the Sens staff over the last couple of weeks, probably not.

The Net:
Sens - They ship out a defensively "mercurial" player (one of my favorite euphemisms for inconsistent) that was going to cost them at least 4m in exchange for a solid 2nd pair of d-man and a first round pick. They should see this like a kid being told that for Christmas he can choose between new clothes or books. But then on Christmas morning he wakes to find the clothes, the books, plus a Playstation, and a supermodel girlfriend under the tree. So if you're the Sens, you're pretty happy with the deal (unless the supermodel girlfriend was not your girlfriend, you cannot remember what happened the night before, and the police are beating down your door).

Bolts - Olie is going to wish he retired after last year. His career GAA and SV% numbers are going to take a beating with this defense in front of him. This deal stinks for the short-term or long-term health of the Bolts. They lose two of their best defensemen (if not their two best outright performers), once of which being a potential stud on the backline, plus a 1st round pick from San Jose. At least they didn't give up their own first round pick because that one is going to be a good one... Are there two or three syllables in Tavares?

Great quote...

2008-07-23T14:23:00.005-04:00

If you didn't know it, I work for a software company and sometimes find funny things out there that stereotype the high-tech industry as a whole. Some of these bits are unfair whilst others are scarily dead-on. Dilbert and Office Space are two good examples (unfair or just, I won't say). Found this gem by randomly opening to a page in The Dilbert Future:

Whenever bold new technologies are created, the poor bastards who create them find out the market isn't ready or the technology isn't refined enough. The innovator rarely makes money. Then some clever company comes in and sees what went wrong, corrects the bone-headed mistakes, and makes it all work. In general, its always better to be a clever company than a poor bastard.

-- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Future - Thriving on Stupidity in the 21st Century

Dusting off the keyboard to comment on CRACK SMOKIN' GMs

2008-07-02T21:51:00.005-04:00

It's been awhile, but I thought the recent spate of insane free agent spending required a response... I'm not quite sane but have to be considerably more in tune to the gray squigglies filling my cranium than many of the current NHL General Managers. I'll roll some doozies by increasing levels of stupidity using the dumbass scale... (each asterisk represents an ass... which part of the ass is up for interpretation)

* Jeff Finger to Toronto for 4 years at 3.75million
This one came rather late in the day and wasn't a name I was looking for so I almost blew by it. Maybe that's what Cliff Fletcher thought as well. Servicable defensivemen are a staple in the NHL and Finger is one of them. Staples don't get paid 3.75million a year, especially when you're already trying to shed 20 mil in d-man money. Nutty.

** Kristian Huselius to Columbus for 4 years at 4.75 million
Scott Howson has somehow managed to move Zherdev, an enigmatic (translation -- "Flaky") winger making 2.5 million out of dodge and replace him with Huselius, a mercurial (translation -- "Flaky and streaky as a 6 year old boys underwear") making 4.75 million all within 6 hours. Is this someone liking the Devil they don't know more than the one they already do? At least he tried to address his gaping scoring hole... he's got that going for him, which is nice.

*** Michael Ryder to Boston for 3 years at 4 million
Did I pull a Rip Van Winkle and miss Ryder's reemergence as a player that mattered to his team? In 2008, he was in the doghouse, a healthy scratch, injured, tradebait and carried the worst plus/minus of any Canadien's winger... now he's getting 4 million beans.

******* Wade Redden to NYRangers for 6 years at 6.5 million
I've written before than Glen Sather is akin to a crackpipe smokin' junkie that can't help himself when it comes to signing players to lucrative and ludicrous deals. It turns out he was sleeping off a nasty full season bender and just woke up June 30th. He jumped outta the gutter and hit the pipe again hard signing Redden to a stupendous 6.5 million clams which is way more than I'd pay Jagr just to leave Washington. Circa 2001-2003, Redden was the man. For the next 6 years, maybe he'll forget that he was pretty invisible on a Stanley Cup contender and regain that top flight form... maybe Jagr will apologize to Ted Leonsis and return all that money he stole... maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and crap a wad of money that I can use to pay my mortgage. Of the three, I'd bet on Wade regaining his form but I'd only use the poop money (a.k.a ficticious Ranger money).

There's many others that bear commenting but its more of the same lunatic headlines "Underperforming Past Star Gets Crazy Money Because GM is Dipshit"... How else would a rational person explain Bobby Holik (2.5m), Brian Campbell (7.1m), Stillman (3.5m), Commodore (3.75m).

Ron Hainsey at 4.5m and Finger are examples of GMs banking on potential and locking up the best available at this very moment... which is like going to the Sav-a-Center to stock up and buy a case of Heineken to last you for the next month and finding out they're out of Heineken but they have plenty of Schaeffer Light. "Well at least," you start, "Schaeffer's cheap!"

"Wrong", the beer purveyor yells back. "I just raised my prices to $100 dollars a case."

"That's ludicrous," you hiss at the sweaty bastard selling you the beer who looks remarkably like superagent Steve Bartlett. "That crap is normally only $15 per case".

The Bartlett doppleganger replies, "Today's a special day and today it's $100 per case. If you don't like it you can try the guy down the street, but he's only got Iron City Light at $250."

"This is robbery," you mutter and you hand him $2000 for 15 cases thinking that you're getting a bulk discount because the Barletter thinks you're cute.

Then you get home and try to find space in your garage to put this garbage (your salary cap planning is blown to hell), your friends laugh at you for poor taste in beverages (the media ridicules your moves), and your wife (the fans) threatens immediate divorce.

Playing with the 2008-2009 Roster

2008-04-27T12:33:00.007-04:00

I built a spreadsheet with Excel and imported it into Google Spreadsheets to help calculate the 2008-2009 opening night roster and it's cost. Currently, the Capitals have 14 people signed for next season. This number does not reflect UFAs (currently with Caps and those not) and RFAs.

Directions to use the spreadsheet:

Choose to "Edit this spreadsheet" by clicking on the link at the bottom of the page (permissions should be open)
To add a player to roster place a "1" next to their name in the "On Roster" column
If you're adding an RFA or UFA, be sure to give them a salary that they're worth for next season.
Be sure the Roster total number equals between 20 and 23 with rightful position totals represented
Keep the salary cap as low as possible AND get the best team

Giving Green a conservative bump to $5.5m and keeping Huet at around $5m, I'm getting a number around $54m which is awfully darn close to the expected salary cap. Will GM be spending that high or will assets need to be "shifted"? It should make for an interesting off-season.

Have fun.

(Thanks to NHLSCAP for the salary data).

Time to Drink a Beer and Chill Out

2008-04-26T09:50:00.010-04:00

Flyers Series Recap
In retrospect, the flyers played a good series all the way around. I thought they were the more consistent team during the series and were the beneficiaries of the majority of the tight calls. A fan can whine about the calls and that's okay because its a defense mechanism much like the objects tossed on the ice are a sign of abject pain than a lack of respect for the Flyers (maybe with the exception of Briere). But I think once the pain goes away, you begin to realize that:

The Caps were seriously outplayed in the first three games yet stole one
The Flyers were too good to rollover for three straight games
Received stellar goaltending from Biron when it mattered most
Took advantage of mistakes; their Power Play was flawless

I think every Caps fan that knows the difference between a charge and a boarding call would take Mike Richards or Jeff Carter on the team in a Flash (heh, heh). If you ever listen to a player that has won the Stanley Cup, the three things they say that allowed them to prevail over other good teams are: consistency, team depth, and luck. Of those three, the Caps only had one in the first series. With better consistency next year, we'll make our own luck.

Sidenote: Capitals fans must notice the irony of game 1 of the Montreal-Philly game as the Flyers outplayed Montreal, but lost the game because of some perceived poor refereeing. Those that live in glass houses...

The End of the Season
Actually, now is the time when I don't need 5-6 beers per Caps game because quite simply, they don't exist. Now I can enjoy a single beer, relax, sleep easier and go about my day thinking about other things than Caps hockey. Some would find this peaceful and relaxing, I think it stinks.

I'm looking forward towards the draft, free agency, training camp, and opening night (in that order). Those dates are like vacations that seem so far away right now but you know will be here before you know it.

Decision Time
This offseason is perhaps the most important one in the club's rise from rebuild-to-juggernaut. Basing my figures from various sources such as NHLSCAP.com and the NHLPA, I figure the Caps paid out about $44M in salary this year (including Jagr). With the new contracts kicking in for Semin and Ovie, the Caps are already committed to $38M for next year before you factor in all the UFAs and RFAs on their current roster. Meaning that the $38M doesn't include a starting netminder (Olie or Huet), Mike Green, Brooks Laich, Boyd Gordon, Matt Bradley, Matt Cooke, Eminger, Morrisonn, Fehr, or Sergei Fedorov.

My quick take is that it's going to very difficult to sign everybody under the cap and have the requisite wiggle room that smart teams keep. This will lead to difficult decisions around the higher paid unsigned players such as Green, Fedorov, and Huet. My assumption here obviously is that Green will be one of the top paid players next year and should command a great deal of attention going into free agency if the Capitals do not get him under contract quickly. More on this later.

Game 7 - Viewing Location

2008-04-22T16:41:00.005-04:00

We're going to the Smokey Bones on E. Colonial near the Executive Airport in Orlando and not the Ale House. HERE is a map to its location if you're not familiar with it. It seems an employee there is a Caps fan and has commandeered the back widescreen for the game and festivities tonight.

I haven't spoken with that person but I've invited myself along anyway. Woohoo! I'll be wearing the purple teddy, knee socks, and Caps baseball cap. Wait a sec... I wore that last night. Hmm, I'll wear a faded a red t-shirt, a black Caps hat, and my unshaven scruff (I'm a dude).

See you there.

Game 6 - Recap/ Game 7 - Tomorrow

2008-04-21T23:34:00.005-04:00

On this game, there was no Lilliputian effort anywhere to be found on the Caps squad... except for the Flyer's second goal by Danny Briere. Anywho, the Caps resembled a band of giants as they came out of a scoring drought in the middle of the second and continued their strong play through the end of 3rd. The difference-maker was Huet's effort after the score was 0-2. He cannot be faulted on the two goals scored against, but he can be given great PROPs for the goals he stopped especially during the Flyer power plays during the second and third periods. He was simply superb.

I noted after the first, that Ovechkin needed to pull his head out of his ass. He was looking for goals in this game, no doubt. He frequently turned down passing opportunities to shoot, getting off 9 shots on goal in the process. However, he came up with his two biggest goals of the post-season so I can give him a free pass on his inability to dish the puck to anybody else... except the goalie... at 100 mph... whizzing by his friggin' ear. Okay, he's Ovie and he rules.

Down the lineup, the team played great. Bradley, Brashear, Steckel, Gordon, and Eminger were solid. Semin made up for his roughing gaffe with a 1G 1A night and Laich is becoming a go-to stud. I'm not new to his skills (20 goals is pretty sweet), but Laich is getting something going every game. His bouts of invisibility that plagued last season and first third of this season, are gone.
--------------------------------------------------------------
On to Game 7 and they just ran the greatest NHL commercial for Versus: "I am a ceiling..."
http://www.versus.com/nhlplayoffs_video?ID=7.

That sums it up beautifully. Tomorrow, watch for some crease-crashing Hartnell idiocy and a crowd in the VC that will be setting off those little earthquake meter/monitor counter dial thingies in Georgetown. You know, geiger counters for earthquakes. They're going to feel it in ... never mind.

By the way, a couple of us will be heading to the Orlando Ale House in Winter Park for the game if interested. Leave some here or shoot a PM.

7PM, April 22nd is a loooong 19 hours away, but let us thank all things good in the world that the game isn't played Wednesday. Good night and good luck sleeping.

Game 5 - Redux

2008-04-21T23:28:00.003-04:00

We won. Sorry there were no posts but, I was abducted by Lilliputians and forced to listen to polka for two straight days. And as we all know, there's simply no blogging in Lilliput.

Game 4 - Recap

2008-04-17T22:55:00.005-04:00

The Caps matched the Flyer's intensity in this one. It's the first game where they put forth an effort that was good enough to win, unfortunately, they weren't the recipients of any breaks. The referees fail to award two double-minors for highstick cuts to Semin and Bradley, then their momentum was destroyed at the end of regulation by having to PK Kozlov's imaginary goalie interference call.

A wise man once said, "A good team makes its own breaks." I'm far too lazy to Google the name of that wise man, but regardless I thought we were a good team when we killed Kozlov's imaginary. That kill seemed like a sign. To get a win, however, good and bad teams need sustained intensity and some luck to get a win.

Tomorrow will feel much worse being down 3-1 instead of tied 2-2... where's the Advil?

Game 4 - OT #1

2008-04-17T22:29:00.004-04:00

It's hard to talk smack when the next goal wins. So no smack here except Danny Briere. A little known fact about Briere is that he was adopted. By a pair of infertile housecats. Really.

When is the NHL going to create a "The Cup Changes Everything Commercial" with Pat Thoresen.... oooh. Low blow.

Six beers and counting. 6:30 will come quickly tomorrow. I was talking with Peaker (remember him?) between periods and reminisced that back in "the day" 6 beers wouldn't have made it through pre-game.

Game 4 - Third Period

2008-04-17T21:21:00.006-04:00

3rd period thoughts:

Too many men? twice? It's like managing a team of 12 year olds. I guess it's a good sign that they want to be on the ice.
Good/Evil, Matter/Anti-Matter... all positives are counterbalanced in this universe with an equal and opposite negative. Every time Briere scores a goal, somewhere a puppy dies of neglect.
Had the Flyer's scored on Kozlov's goaltender interference call, Referee Hasenfranz would forever be removed from my Hanukkah card list. In fact, screw it, he's gone.

Game 4 - First 40 Minutes

2008-04-17T20:43:00.008-04:00

I'm watching on Versus with Forslund, Bob Harwood, and Eddie O doing the color. The team has jumped ship and are counting the Caps out. Richards is suddently the second coming of Eddie Shore and Danny "Spearchucker" Briere is Mario Friggin-Lemieux. Oh well. I hope the Caps make them eat their human interest stories. Some thoughts thus far:

I loved watching Briere leave the box after the PP goal
Two double minors missed. Bradley and Semin's cuts have us looking like a M.A.S.H unit
Twice in the second period Eddie Olcyk called for the Flyers to get more in the face of the Huet. Like they need encouragement? It's like counseling Charles Manson to get organized and start keeping 'to do' lists.

Maybe more later. Dunno. Four dead soldiers down after 2. Wife and neighbors much happier with my beery state. My playoff motto: A Numb Daddy makes for No Broken Furniture... It's not a real snappy motto, but I'm working on it.

Ay Carumba

2008-04-15T22:56:00.004-04:00

At about the 8 minute of the 3rd period in tonight's game, the Caps suddenly woke up. They looked around all groggily-eyed and said a collective, "Holy S$it! We're in the playoffs." From that moment on, they played well and looked like they could complete with the Flyers in this series. Let's hope the doesn't hit snooze and goes back to sleep for the next two periods or they can remain asleep until October.

I won't go into detail on why they lost tonight other than a summary: lack of commitment and turnovers. Fehr looked good. Eminger will play again. Somebody got in a fight. Things are looking up.

Goodnight Caps nation.

Perfect Storm of Bluster and Blunder

2008-04-14T18:08:00.009-04:00

On Sunday, I got a phone call about 5 minutes before Sunday's Caps/Flyers game asking me if I was ready for the game, from my mother-in-law. "Are you wearing red, painting your face and all that?", she asked. I chuckled. She's been following the Caps through my wife, myself, and even through this blog for the last couple of weeks giving me words of encouragement, asking about the team, etc. She's been very encouraging, not by supporting the Caps, per se, but instead by supporting the supporters of the Caps. Who else but a mother could be a supporter of supporters?

She finished by saying that she would be watching the game at her house. Wow. The most amazing part of all this was that she would be watching this game voluntarily. If she was visiting at my house, well, there's no question what she would be doing. She'd be watching the Caps. Or at least she'd be yelling encouraging things like "Kill the quarterback!" while watching me, watch the Caps. Instead she put aside her Sunday afternoon to watch the Caps herself. I may have a true convert on my hands. Then, of course, the Caps laid an egg and even worse, they seemed to be belittled by the broadcast team. As a long-time, my skin is admittedly thin and cannot be relied upon to form an unbiased judgement about a game, but many things about this broadcast in particular bothered me.

When I talked with my mother-in-law earlier today, she offered, "I think they were emotionally spent after the Friday victory. They'll be fine." Then I asked her what she thought of the broadcast. Without prompting, she asked, "What? You mean why were they so against Washington?"

Of the NBC broadcast on Sunday, the nicest thing I can say is that it did not paint the Washington Capitals product or organization in nicest of terms. To put a finer point on that statement, to an outsider like say, my mother-in-law, "It seemed like, for whatever reason, they didn't care for the Capitals." Funny thing is she didn't even hear Milbury's "Crapitals" statement. When I told her about the Milbury comment, she asked in disbelief, "That's inexcusable. How can NBC let that happen?"

Most of the time I can defend the sport to the uninitiated, but I could not defend NBC. Mick Kern defends Milbury by saying essentially, "Hey Don Cherry talks out of his ass all the time. Don't get your panties in a wad." That defense is not applicable because Cherry is a bigoted, walking lawsuit waiting to happen. His blood and guts, Swedish meatball, xenophobic rhetoric would never be tolerated in the States, so there's no reason to invent one with a Milbury. While in the employment of NBC, the statements of their broadcasters, unless clarified with an editorial caveat, represent those of NBC as a whole. Capitals owner, Ted Leonsis, wrote in his blog earlier today that Milbury called him to apologize. He accepted the apology and asked the fanbase to move on, but he should demand more of NBC as an organization.

The Caps were outplayed in most aspects of the game, so criticism was deserved. However, the NBC general tone was condescending and one-sided. If you look at the makeup of the broadcast team for this game, you can begin to understand their collective and individual bias. Milbury (Boston, NYI), McGuire (Pittsburgh), and Emrick (Devils) are more familiar with the Atlantic division and have treated their Southeast rivals as second-class organizations that should relocate to a more deserving hockey market.

Compare the Sunday NBC game to the Friday coverage from Versus. The Versus studio crew of Patrick, Engblom, Jones, and (recently) Manny Legace is not afraid to voice their opinion while remaining impartial to the play of the teams. They discussing in terms of do's and don'ts. They make their picks playfully as would a bunch of buddies playing in a fantasy league. They are respectful of each other, the game, and the teams they cover.

The Versus play-by-play was done by John Forslund, a Southeastern broadcaster from Carolina. Being from the Southeast, Forslund could match the correct Capitals to their numbers, knew player's names, pronounced them correctly, made great observations, and managed to make no disparaging remarks.

While I don't enjoy that casual fans cannot via "ESPN-ubiquity" accidentally stumble into a hockey game, I do truly enjoy the Versus product. Unfortunately, it took this load of NBCrap that passes itself as the echelon of our country's hockey coverage for me to realize how much more enjoyable a game on Versus truly is. If only I could get Versus in HD... my cable company gets my next call.

So, what we can learn from a game like this is that "national" broadcast teams, no matter how hard they may try, are never devoid of biases. Very few of the "talent" on Versus or NBC get their entire paycheck from the network and in some way are affiliated with local coverage somewhere. Maybe in the future, national broadcast teams should be comprised from different regions much like playoff referees are assembled in college football. Maybe if NBC wants to stock their coverage team with opinionated characters, they should keep a Bill Patrick handy to settle the fireworks. Maybe, now that the writer's strike is over NBC could pay a writer or two that can at least give some direction to their studio talent rather than letting Pierre McGuire and Mike Milbury "wing it" between periods risking lawsuit or the loss of a sponsor. Or, maybe NBC can put some quality control measures in place... like my mother-in-law. "You can't go broadcasting crap like that, you'll catch your death."

Recap: How Did We Get Here

2008-04-14T08:05:00.006-04:00

Let's ask a question of you (oh wise beyond your years reader), how did the Capitals make it to this dance?

a. Did we squeak into the post-season on the brilliant play of Alex Ovechkin? Alex sold tickets, sold the refreshments, hired the band, was the emotional conduit, and was the emcee for the dance but he didn't break down the door.

b. Did we get to the post-season through our shutdown defense? Ha, ha. Not on your life.

c. Did we get into the playoffs because the team lost one game in its last thirteen? Did we get into the playoffs because Cristobal Huet has been unstoppable since the Backstrom own-goal? If you picked 'C', DING-DING-DING. You win a...well, nothing except a congratulations for your keen observations. (I'm not much for giving out prizes right now)

With that in mind, how the hell can you not defend Huet when Hartnell runs over the goalie and shoves his face into the ice?

I'm not the only one who noticed this treatment. From Philly.com this morning:

Bruce Boudreau is a little annoyed at all the traffic in front of goaltender Cristobal Huet, particularly Scott Hartnell, who drew a first-period penalty for goaltender interference. Hartnell steamrolled Huet and rubbed his face into the ice for good measure. "We know what they're doing," Boudreau said. "Sometimes you play a little safer in the playoffs. But we have to protect our own" . . .

Hartnell got two minutes for his work so it would have been a perfect opportunity for somebody to take him to task either with a couple of extra cross-checks or, god-forbid, a fight and take the instigator. As it was Huet was the only one giving Hartnell any extra abuse (and it was as lame as you may expect a goalie to dish out). Hartnell is a tough guy and admittedly, the personnel wasn't on the ice at that time that normally takes care of such things. However, there was a stretch in the second where Bruce matched up Brashear and Bradley against Hartnell line. The announcers were bemoaning the move as an advantage for the Flyers but they didn't understand Bruce's intentions. Nor, do I think, did Brashear and Bradley.

If the Caps continue to display such lack of grit, the series will soon be 1-3 and next Saturday our arena will be overrun with the Orange and Black goons from up the pike. They will serenade Hu-et, make derisive remarks about our ancestry, wear ill-fitting clothes, and be a general nuisance at the very least. At the very most, they will take what has become sanctified; our place of worship: a home ice that feels like home. Get it together fellas.

Long Wait Until Friday, In the Meantime...

2008-04-08T18:20:00.004-04:00

Chew on a couple more Caps items:

Canada.com profiles the last couple of games leading up to the Southeast crown.
The Saskatoon Phoenix Star profiles Mike Green and his thoughts on Washington's end of the season.
Helene St. James notes for the Detroit Free Press that Boudreau should win the Adams trophy.
George Richards finds that the Caps are currently running 16-to-1 to win the Cup and 13-to-2 to win the East. He also says that the Caps are -150 and the Flyers are +120 for the first series. I have no idea what that means, but it means were favored. If anybody can 'splain that one, please go ahead.
And finally, from the Phillynews.com, some thoughts from the Flyers about facing Ovie and Caps:

"They've probably been the hottest team in the league for a month-and-a-half.
It won't be easy," said Flyers defenseman Kimmo Timonen.
"There's no question they're a hot team," Flyers right wing Scottie Upshall
said. "They have the best player in the league over there."
"No. 8 - that guy makes them go," Timonen said of Ovechkin. "He likes to
shoot the puck. You can't give him too much open space. He doesn't need
much."

Happier, More Productive

2008-04-06T17:59:00.010-04:00

That's the only to describe how I felt last night (I'd toss in the "Fitter" part too, but I'm my knee injury's got me packing on pounds like a bear getting ready for winter). I was pessimistic about our chances two weeks, it is true. I re-read my "Three Home-at-Homes" post yesterday afternoon and realized how screwy things can get. I theorized that our best chance was to catch Boston, and with a 5 point lead in 6 games, Carolina would take the SE.

I will apologize but first preface it by saying that I've been a Caps fan for a loooooong time; like 1974 "long". Like an hour and half in the car to Landover and back to see us get the crap kicked out of us "long". Like driving 5 hours back and forth from James Madison while in college to get my hopes dashed "long". Like 4 overtimes against the Islanders "long". So therefore you can imagine that "an-Esa-wide" and a "triple-OT-Nedved" later in life, that I'm calloused. Not jaded, but scarred and somewhat fragile. I try not to get my hopes too high or too low and just try to look at the facts.

Now that the regular season is over, however, I can be honest. I would have been mightily bereft had the Caps failed last night. I felt they had win to shed the sad-sack or choke dog monikers that have hung around the franchise's collective neck for the last decade or so. Last night was the culmination of 4 years of watching and waiting and hoping and nurturing for everybody involved and I'm so thrilled and relieved that I'm pinching myself today. It isn't quite as great a feeling as the Juneau goal in 98, but it ranks right up there. Corey Masisak wrote this morning that he got the best night sleep in a month and I can't agree more. Sleep came easy to the body. Rest has followed for the mind. Now it's time to just enjoy it.

I raise a glass to all and apologize for not believing. I've never been as happy for being wrong. Cheers.

Laptop Battery Dying, out of crack, but must get message to ...

2008-04-05T02:26:00.004-04:00

...you. I must have been smoking crack again earlier today because I swear on a stack of Hockey Newses that Carolina lost to the Panther tonight. Lemme 'splain...

I had the Carolina/Panthers game on while cooking dinner on the off-chance that it would remain interesting. Afterall it was the game that could give the Caps the most direct path to the playoffs, with the best seed to boot. I imagined that I would have to switch over the Philly game and hope for a disaster to befall the Flyers, or over to the Ottawa/Boston where I would be bored to tears but could hope for a two point game. However, that never happened as the Panthers continued to amaze me with their gritty play. I've never seen a team play almost the entire game killing penalties yet win. When the horn sounded, I could not believe the Panthers won. I was stunned. I checked my pipe, and sure enough, I was out of crack.

Truth be told, the scenario that played out most often to me was both the Caps and Hurricanes making the dance. I liked this scenario best for a couple of reasons:

I like their team and coach.
Give some much needed street cred back to the Southeast as an entity.

Plus, I really hate the Flyers and Boston bores me to tears. However, beggars cannot be choosers so if the Caps can beat the Panthers, the third seed will be just fine.

Maybe now I can get some sleep. 7 PM will not get here fast enough.

New Playoff Rules Suggested by Bruins

2008-03-31T15:08:00.006-04:00

A source close to NHL has confirmed that several GMs have approached the board of governors about some mid-season rules adjustments. In particular, the Boston Bruins are advocating for the removal of sudden death overtimes in favor of immediately calling the game a tie foregoing the extra overtime sessions.

Peter Chiarelli, GM of the Bruins, is apparently defended this position saying that sudden death hockey is "bad for the game". Chiarelli points to the thrill of the long foregotten "kissing your sister" ending from regular season games and has taken it a step beyond by applying it to the playoffs. "It's a long-proven fact that overtimes are terrible for TV ratings and besides they're...er... boring. Yeah, they're boring."

When it was pointed out to Mr. Chiarelli that his team has a terrible overtime record and has gained more points than any other team in the league by playing for a tie with increasingly mundane and maddingly wearisome hockey, Chiarelli feigned a heart attack and actually stabbed himself in the thigh with a Bic pen. When pressed on the issue futher, Chiarelli mumbled something about how good Theo Epstein has it, then took out a crumpled picture of Tom Brady's supermodel girlfriend, gave a leering grin to the press corps, and turned the conference over to head coach Claude Julien.

The press conference lost most of its momentum at this point as Julien expoused the merits of "solid neutral zone gap control" and then fell asleep leaning against Zdeno Chara.

Julien woke up and quipped, "My goodness, did you see that second and third period against Buffalo over the weekend? We clogged up the neutral zone real good and even got off 6 shots. That's playoff hockey."

Caption: Claude Julien's reacts to

the prediction that his dynamic

Bruins will sweep the field with

an inspirational Stanley Cup

run for the ages.

A Little Lightning Love

2008-03-30T10:12:00.002-04:00

I'm "fortunate" enough to get the real Lightning broadcast rather than the feed from Center Ice and was privy to the post-game report and interviews. The announcer interviewed a pretty exhausted but grinning Karri Ramo who said he was pretty happy about his 37 saves against Carolina. He said,"We had a rough one against Washington the other night, and now we've just helped them out. They're only one back of Carolina now".

I'm not sure if he was grinning because of this victory of if he was really trying to stick it to the Canes. Either way, I wanted to share.

Smokin' crack makes me feel good

2008-03-25T23:03:00.003-04:00

Yes it's true I've been hitting the pipe again, but it's amazing how amazingly optimistic it will make you about the playoffs race. The Caps first line played great, creating more than enough chances to win that game outright by a couple of goals. However, the rest of the team was offensively invisible.

Notes:

Before he seriously challenge for loose pucks, Fleischmann needs to gain 20 pounds of testicles.
Semin needs to either shoot or pass when he gets the puck. He can't do both at the same time and showed again that he can do neither just as well as trying to do both which is, of course, bad. Make sense?
Green is still suffering from a swollen helmet because he has been mentioned by a fourth grade blogger in the same paragraph with Bobby Orr. Earth to Green: You have done nothing other than surprise people with your speed and decent wrister. Keep your head out of your ass, make smart plays, and you'll be the man. When you go end to end and wail a blind pass into the slot with three opponent's sticks between you and Ovechkin, you're not the man: you're behind the play.
Huet was a friggin' stud (have I mentioned that before?)
Kozlov played superbly everywhere he went (including when he went top shelf for the winner)
The third line was good at defense and marginal at generating some perimter brand offensive chances
The fourth line was above average and almost cashed in a couple ugly ones on some feisty plays by Bradley
Eminger is back to his scaringly mad ways. He was about a 1/2 second behind the play on offense and then again on (gulp) defense. Who is the answer back there? Erskine? Lepisto? Mama Ovechkin?

In summary, they played a good defensive game but need to generate more solid threats throughout the lineup to make a true run at the postseason.

Tonight I was treated to a night of hockey in a great out of town spot called the Maple Leaf Pub in Houston. I called ahead to make sure they had enough TVs to accomodate a lone(ly) Washington fan and was assured they would do me right.

Sean seated me in a prime spot at the horseshoe bar with my Caps on Comcast right across the way. I must have been a treat to the fans of the Pens, Bruins, and Wings on the other side as I twisted, gasped, and screamed at the silent TV above their heads.

Anyways, full props to Sean and his great bar. Good night for the Caps.

Three Home-at-Homes

2008-03-23T08:06:00.007-04:00

I hope the 5-3 'come from behinder' on the Thrash becomes symbolic of the Caps season as a whole. It was an inspirational display of our young talent settling for nothing less than a victory. However, these last 6 games will require a more consistent effort than the 20 minutes of domination on displayed Friday. These 6 games are the definition of a stretch run. We play 3 teams twice and none of these games will be easy. No let's examine a thoroughly depressing set of circumstances and then tell me how big were those 3 points we handed the Bruins last week?

The teams above us that we are aiming to catch are the Flyers, the Bruins, and (if we're all smoking the same crack pipe) Carolina. The B's and Flyers have 2 more points than us and have a game at hand which means we need to win two more games than either of them to tie them in points. We have 6 games and they have 7. Looking at each of their division-loaded schedules, I can see a rosy-tinted best case scenario of one of them winning only 2 games. The Bruins play the Sabres twice while the Flyers play the Isles twice. Their other opponents all have better records and are in the playoffs. If one of them can only squeak out 4 more points, they will finish with 88 points. It could happen to one of them, right?

If you're still thinking we can win the Southeast, the Canes have a 5 point lead and are even with games played. They play the Caps twice, the Thrash, the Panthers, and two against the 'Ning. A realistic (and still rose-tinted) scenario for them is to assume they beat the Thrash and 'Ning and lose to the Panthers and Caps. That gives them 6 more points for a total of 93.

Therefore of the remaining 6 games, I figure the Caps NEED to win 4 to have an WAY OUTSIDE chance of slipping in accidentally by tying the B's or Flyers with 88. The chances of hitting 94 points to beat Carolina are as likely as a Don Cherry becoming Hillary Clinton's running mate. Therefore, let's look at these last three home-at-homes.

Carolina - We don't seem to know which injury to wish upon them next. As of 3/18, they have lost 287 games to injury including their #1 center Rod Brind'amour. They have lost Matt Cullen, Justin Williams, and Ray Whitney as well. Their defense, however, has been solid enough that they could afford the trade of Mike Commodore without missing a beat. Of their defense corps, only Tanabe has lost significant time due to a concussion. Some would argue that this injury in fact helps their team defense. I'm not going to touch that topic. Wait a sec... I think I just did.

Florida - Their team is similar in maturity to the Caps, plus they've lost 327 games to injury (so no whining about how the Caps have been decimated). You can look at the last two months of theirs as the mirror image of the Caps rise to the spotlight during December and January. Suddenly, they're playing 60 minutes and getting contributions from the young stars as well as some of their depth players. Their goaltending has been rock solid and as a whole they look very dangerous. Regardless of what time of the year we play the Panthers, the Caps cannot beat them. So now that they are playing well, are our chances any better? Umm...

Tampa Bay - They are playing the role of spoiler and playing to the wire of every game (unlike Atlanta who seems to mail it in for the majority of their games). They will be dangerous, especially in their own barn and the Caps cannot look past these games. I will attend the Caps in Tampa again as my presence last time seemed to will them along to a surprise victory when all the chips were down. If you believe that one...

I don't really have a conclusion other than, I don't plan on the Caps making the playoffs. I'm a believer in this team from a long-term standpoint but I'm a realist about the nature of the rest of the league right now. But please, please prove me wrong.

Refs Swallow...

2008-03-17T08:29:00.003-04:00

the whistle. The Boston game was a ridiculous display of refs not giving the more talented team a greater number of power plays than the other team. It was like the Caps reached their quota of power plays, got their single goal on the 5-on-3, and were not allowed any more. The refs made up the calls and watched Boston catch up. After that, they were afraid to make any more calls. I have no problem with the defense-first style rope-a-dope but when you cannot execute a trap and interfere with the counterattack, you should be penalized. This style of play should be anathema to the NHL and therefore watched carefully. Gary, how 'bout a memo? Maybe a phone call to Stephen Walkom.

"Yo. Stevie. It's me, Betts. What the fuck was that?"

The Caps got the 2 points but the 1 point given to the B's was just as important. For those keeping score, that's 3 points given to Boston in the last week at the Caps' expense because of very "subjective" refereeing. Regardless, it will be interesting.

It's a Crap Game

2008-03-10T19:14:00.002-04:00

I would have taken 30 cracks in the ribs with a pool cue or a thousand spiders simultaneously biting my nuts over losing the penguins game in THAT fashion. Aargh.

Whew. I'm done now complaining about the weekend. The games are in the past. I think Fedorov summed up the games best by reminding everybody that it's a game; an emotional game, but a game nonetheless. And if you look at the circumstances surrounding the games, I think the Capitals played very well in both. Boston was charged and ready for a fight to the end. They played hard and stuck around to the end waiting for the costly mistake. Then the Caps turn around less than 21 hours later and have to face a well-rested and tough Pens squad waiting for them in DC.

Huet played exceptionally. (I read somewhere that the Penguins only had 13 shots but we let in 2 goals for an .850 save% and therefore he played no better than Olie, but that's ludicrous considering that one goal was scored on a 2-on-1 and the other on powerplay rebound.) The Caps fired a multitude of point blank shots, crossbar ringers, and carried most of the play in both games, however, the could not score. This was a polar opposite to the 10-2 shellacking earlier in the week EVERYTHING went in. It was a law of averages and I wished (well after the fact, of course) that after we scored 5 against Boston we could have banked the next 5 by hitting more crossbars and posts. All the good ju-ju for the week was blown through Tim Thomas' disbelieving 1-through-7 holes on Tuesday night.

Another random observation is that the Caps sorely need a left-hand shot that can consistently score like Semin, Ovie, and Kozlov can from the right. Currently we have Laich, Fleischmann, Fedorov and Backstrom as our "legitimate" offensive theats from the left. Laich is becoming consistent for a goal every 3-4 games but the other 3 have ... umm, sucked? Is that the right word? I do believe it is.

If the Caps don't make the dance this year, I'll be dissappointed to be sure, but the world will not end. Hopefully they can come back to the rink, heed Sergei's "IT'S JUST A GAME" mantra and kick some ass from here out. This team was looking at a #1 overall pick just 4 months ago and is now playing above what anybody outside a few puck pundits and beltway believers thought was possible. Hopefully they can enjoy it.

Important Goalie Weekend - B's and Pen's

2008-03-07T09:55:00.008-05:00

I must first by eating some crow about Olie's game in Buffalo. My first reaction was "Damn, Olie's the man and I feel bad for saying/writing bad things." However, once I dissected the game with the sound off at half speed, I realized I was incorrect.

He played really well. He was positionally strong and consistent. However, there were several rebounds right into the slot that made me scream for more lithium. Fortunately the Dmen collapsed and shuffled the juicy ones into the corners or up the boards. The Forechecker found out some pretty disturbing data that has confirmed group observations all year. And in case you're wondering, I didn't really watched the game a second time with the sound off at half speed. Had I done that, I would have gladly taken my wife's Baker Act recommendation.

All in all, it was a very good road game by the Caps but one that relied to heavy on the counter-attack and defensive positioning. I don't believe these games are our strongest suit but may have been what was needed for Kolzig to have a positive game against a team that has made him look less than stellar in the last couple of seasons.

This weekend, the goaltending will be front and center in the debate once again.

Game 1: On Saturday, we walk into the wolf den that is the TD Banknorth/Fleet/Shawmut Garden Thingie where there will surely be a call for a blood sacrifice as the game commences. I expect them to dress Terry O'Reilly, Chris Nilan, and the corpse of Eddie Shore. So you pose the question, "how do we handle what will surely be a full onslaught for 20-30 minutes to start the game?"

Answer: With an acrobatic netminder that will make the first save and absorb rebounds when things get hairy: Huet.

Game 2: On Sunday, the Caps will host the Pens in what will surely be an emotional, highly contested affair as egos and skill clash in a North American Hockey Schmooze Bowl. The team that takes this game will take momentum and will solidify themselves as the media darling of the week. The loser, on the other hand, will feel the scorn of the local press, national press, and fans, like spectators standing too close to the poo tossing monkeys at the zoo. So the question here is, "which goaltender gives us the best chance to take the Schmooze Bowl?"

Answer: Huet

If both games are "must wins" (as they all seem to be in March), the real question is, "Can Huet start both games?" If not, the secondary question becomes, "Which game is more important?"

A New Era Begins

2008-03-02T11:40:00.006-05:00

I posed the question yesterday about the prevailing logic of giving Olaf the nod against the Leafs after such a strong showing from Toronto by the French Wall that is Cristobal . After sifting through the reams of responses that were posted.... (ahem.... crickets) I'VE looked into the crystal ball (crysto-ball?.. heh, heh, nevermind) and discerned Boudreau's thinking:

Don't disenfranchise the franchise man -- The message was "You're still important, Olie. We need you. You are our rock. We are nothing if you are not something." [sniff] I think I'm going to cry.

It's Toronto -- How many times have the Caps played the backup this year as the opposition sees the game as a chance to rest the #1? Did we take the Leafs too lightly? Does Semin take a hooking penalty every second time he makes a turnover?

Back-t0-back games -- A chance to rest after Friday's stellar performance and make Olie fight for playing time.

During last night's game, while the team lacked desperation for an appreciable amount of the game, Olie looked panicked throughout. On easy saves, he fumbled several into the air and would flail to knock them out of harm's way. If he was out of position, he was made frantic dives to get back into the net. At one point in the third after a puck had been deflected up and over his head, he threw his arms into the air while looking at a retreating defenseman as if to say:

"I don't know where it is."
"I'm not at fault here."
"You can't blame me if I get scored upon because you deflected it someplace I can't see it."

Olie made several key stops up close including a mini breakaway by Tucker and then an uptight stuff on Tlusty. However, when the Leafs scored some of the blame falls squarely on the goalie. The Antropov deflection was impossible to stop. The onus of deflections have to fall on the D for not clearing out. The second goal could have been stopped but wasn't. I'm not saying it was a soft goal, but Sundin's bullet was a rising shot over the glove hand and Olie was on his knees. The third goal was riddled with problems but the mishaps began with Olie shooting the puck hard into the boards. It ricocheted off Morrisonn into the slot. Green and Fedorov playing Keystone cops didn't help the recovery. I chalk 1.5 goals against to the D and 1. 5 to the goalie.

A more appropriate title to this post may be, "The End of an Era". Whatever the title, the message is the same: Olie is now the #2 in Washington. It's the coach's job to put the players on the ice that give his team the best chance to win the game. I just don't see Olie fitting the definition of "starting goaltender" any longer.

Melvis is Peter Forsberg

2008-03-01T14:57:00.009-05:00

I've always thought that Melvin (the husky's whose face graces the top of the page) resembled Peter Forsberg so I thought I'd see how a morph between the two would look. Check it out.

Huet is the Man

2008-03-01T00:03:00.002-05:00

I haven't written anything bad about Kolzig all year because I truly have always thought of him as an A#1 pro that is a positive in so many regards, but... crap, that game shows you what a timely save can do for your team. How many times this year have the Caps outplayed their opponents for 20-30 minutes and on the first good opportunity the other team gets they score? I can't tell you but I'd bet a decent chunk of a pot pie that it's more than 8 or 9 times.

Tonight, Huet shut the door when the game was still open and took home the win. I read on the WaPo board that BB will start Olie tomorrow and am very disappointed. Why?

Am I the only one that thinks that this is unnecessary? Is there a fear that Olie couldn't take being sat for two games in a row without blowing a fuse?

Caps Trade Analysis

2008-02-29T18:19:00.004-05:00

A couple people posed questions about the recent Caps transactions. I was out of the country and missed the next trade deadline for the first time in 20 years. I expected the Caps to stand pat and freaked (in a good way) when I finally got online to see what transpired. My thoughts...

Huet
Of all of them, I think the Huet acquisition is the most complex and interesting. So you ask, "Who will stay at the end of the season?"

I've been thinking long and hard about it and have no friggin' clue. I was chatting with Peaker about this (on the phone, because apparently he hasn't figured out how to use a computer yet). He thinks Olie is gone while I'm of the opinion that the Caps are more likely to show more a little more loyalty to Olie.

However, I think loyalty comes at a price. If they can sign Huet, and then sign Olie for cheap, they'll buy out Johnson. If Olie's pride gets the better of him, he'll walk and they keep Johnson for the last year of his contract. If they can't sign Huet, I think Machesney will get a serious look in camp.

I think it all rests on Huet and on how he feels about Washington's treatment of him and their future. If I were a betting man, which I ain't, he'll resign because it's a perfect situation for a 32 year old goalie... young team, will be really competitive for several more years, good ownership. After that the Caps will do what they feel is best for the organization. Does "best" mean "show loyalty to a great team guy that is a fan favorite" or "get the better bargain by paying a guy for games he'll actually play at an NHL level equal to many starters"?

Fedorov
I've been waiting for Sergei to become a Cap since... forever. Now it may be too late for him to really have a serious impact but it's entirely possible that he can rack up 15 points over the last 20 games playing with the talent the Caps have. If he is interested in a paycut and playing right wing next year, there's a chance he could stick around, but I don't see that as very likely.

Cooke
With the return of a Hunter-esque player into the fold, I foresee the Caps regaining some of the Scrapitals swagger of the 80's and 90's where there was agitating players sprinkled throughout the lineup. For $400K more, I think he's an upgrade on Pettinger. After he lost his scoring touch, his only real assets were his PK and speed. Let's see how Cooke does before resigning him. He should feel he's auditioning for a pretty good team which can't hurt his performance.

Giroux
This is the one deal I didn't like. I happened to think Motzko was a pretty crafty player with good speed, a scoring touch, and was a decent checker. I think he was underutilized as a utility player and instead was asked to play top offensive minutes where he struggled. Some examples? 1. on the top line with Ovechkin and not being able to score in two games 2. Manning the PP point.

So, we ship Motzko off for a smallish, skilled forward prospect... just what we need. This is a move whereby George sees more long-term value in Giroux than Motzko. He's younger and can provide some offense to a team come the next trade deadline. It's smart, but I would have liked to have seen Joe get a better shot at a starting gig in the NHL.

Caps v Canes 2/23/08 - redux

2008-02-23T21:27:00.004-05:00

[shiver... groan... shakes off cloudy beer head]. Where to begin about that one? I could blame it on a couple of non-calls such as Staal waterskiing behind Ovechkin as he carried into the zone in the 2nd. Or I could blame it on Fleischmann missing two glorious wide open nets but neither sufficiently explain what happened in Raleigh tonight.

This game was about depth and persistence. Washington has one and half lines that can score regularly while Carolina has boasted three for the last three years. They are banged up currently but seem to still have two solid scoring lines. Their goaltending was better and the defense was about a wash. We were handicapped by Erskine and they by the loss of Wesley. (Does anybody feel that we might have fared better if Erskine got lost on his way back from the dressing room before the 2nd? Or maybe that we institute the "one named dumbass per team" rule?). The cutesy turnovers were terrible as we blindly threw pucks to the center of the ice but mostly we were beat by consistent pressure that led to defensive breakdowns and then to penalties.

Carolina played with resolve and showed character as they fought back after getting blown out in the first 10 minutes. The Caps effort highlighted the need for a true top-6 center rather than playing Kozlov who's better suited at the wing (on most nights).

Enough analysis. I'm done with it... it was just a very dissappointing game and I felt I had to vent but don't feel the need to go into too much depth. It's pretty simple. If the Caps want to make the second season (forget about doing something when if they make it) they need to win tough games. This was another tough game...

That's all my beer-fuddled head can handle. At least my fantasy team moved up from 4th to 2nd... woohoo!

Introducing the Amazing (Mostly Naked) Chicken Baby

2008-02-21T22:21:00.016-05:00

I would like to take this time to introduce the Chicken Baby. You can call him "Chicken", "His Nakedness", or "the feathered freak". His job is to help the Melvis boys with their trade predictions. For instance, just two days ago he predicted that Modry would be traded from L.A. He was wrong however that in return L.A. would be compensated beyond a bag of two-week old Hostess Twinkies but we thought it would be wise to listen. How bad could he be? If I were a betting man, I would certainly pay more attention to a naked Chicken-mask toting baby, than an idiot like Eklund. Take it away Chicken...

Thanks Melvisdog for the introduction. Immediately I shall turn my attention to the Leafs. I foresee that the Mats Sundin saga will be decided by Cliff Fletcher as he shows that he's got the new NHL figured out. He will auction Mats to the rest of the league on eBay with a starting bid of $4.25 and no reserve. After San Jose wins with a winning bid of $55.90 and a first rounder, Mats will protest that his no trade clause does not allow him to move to a team with less than 14 Swedes. Mats subsequently will be tossed out of Ontario by a mob of angry Leafs fans hopeful that the new GM knows how to use a 1st round pick.

I foresee that Darcy Tucker will express his desire to remain in Toronto for the 78th time to the press. I also foresee that he will inexplicably self-combust when he's asked about the rumor sending him to Edmonton for 12 first round draft picks. I foresee many happy non-Leaf fans.

Moving to the south into New York, I foresee that the Rangers will find no takers for Jaromir Jagr and will be content to dump him to the Czech's National Women's Team for a nice cream rinse and bath gels.

Upon hearing he will not be traded this year for the first time in more than a decade, Mike Sillinger will demand a trade from the Islanders because of family issues. Upon further investigation, the league will discover the Sillinger kids have a racketeering business turning a tidy profit at the local schools of Nassau County. The cities of St. Louis, Nashville, and Columbus, being leary of a Sillinger return, pitch in draft choices to send the family to New Jersey where Lou Lamiorello is always looking for creative ways to improve his roster. It also ensures that the kids find a nurturing environment for their new "hobby".

Dean Lombardi will discover that his 'showcase' of Dan Cloutier has not attracted any buyers to take the forelorn goaltender off his hands. Upon hearing he is being returned to Manchester, Cloutier goes AWOL eventually being found on the L.A. beaches where his skills are more appreciated.

And finally, Jay Feaster's active shopping of Brad Richards results in a trade to Calgary for a 4th round pick in 2016. However, Feaster is only able to make this deal by getting Brad to waive his no trade clause, become a live-in volunteer at a Calgary hospital, a rodeo clown in the Stampede, and donate his Florida home to a Calgary vacation agency. Apparently, they expect him to work for $7.8 mil per season.

A Crack in the Trade Deadline Plan

2008-02-17T09:03:00.001-05:00

With nine days left before the trade deadline, I don't see a whole lot of opportunity for deadline fireworks unless you start looking at the GMs various personalities and the situations they find themselves in. As you may know, the deadline for trading a player from one team to another is 2:59:59PM EST on February 26th. After 3:00, teams are bound to use whatever assets they have under prior contract. The teams that acquire new assets before the deadline (Buyers) are those that need an extra push to make a playoff run while those that trading away talent for picks and prospects (Sellers) typically do not have much of a hope of making the offseason dance.

The three points awarded for teams going into overtime coupled with the new salary cap has bunched most teams to within arms' reach of the postseason. Currently every team but one is within 8 points of the last playoff spot in their division. A 4-game winning streak timed extremely well with everybody in front of you falling flat and BOOM you're in. This is what happened to the Islanders last year so it's not impossible... improbable, yes, but not impossible.

Ultimately this parity leads us to a deadline where almost everybody is a buyer and very few are sellers. It's like a town of crackheads walking around convulsing with snot running down there face looking for a fix. These crackheads will find nothing but heartache as they search for their hookup because all but the Maple Leafs and L.A. Kings are still in the "buyer" position. The L.A. Kings are the furthest out at 13 points back and must be resigned to their chances. The Leafs threw in the towel when they hired Cliff Fletcher to dismantle the mess that John Ferguson Jr. created with his insane long term deals. However, the Leafs' most valuable assets all have the dreaded "NTC" next to their employee ID on the Toronto payroll. "NTC" means "No Trade Clause" and is the equivalent of taking the hands of the crackdealer, cutting them off, and cauterizing the stumps. Poor Fletcher will most likely be run out of town by an angry mob at the end of his temporary contract if he cannot improve the team.

If Fletcher gets really desperate, he may be able to deal away Sundin, Tucker, or McCabe through some creativity. But it's likely he will get fleeced having to take back expensive players without an "NTC" or package his own picks or prospects with his refuse. Its a bit like giving the garbage man a big tip to take your operable refridgerator off the curb after failing to sell it at the yardsale.

This means that L.A. is the sole possessor of anything of value that can be traded. Little, dirty, crumbly, baking soda riven crackrocks like like Rob Blake, Michael Handzus, and Kyle Calder are suddenly the only fix at the party and the junkies are drooling . Only the baddest, most desperate, and aggressive of crackheads will score with these rocks.

Top 4 Crackheads by Severity

Lou Lamoriello (NJ Devils) - Lou doesn't make deals unless he feels he's got a chance at winning the whole nine. Rumors have him looking for a center. His moves are wise and typically not shortsighted (a la Mogilny and Malakov). Judicious junkies like Lou that like getting high but still know how to keep their jobs are known as a "White-collar Crackheads".
Darryl Sutter (Calgary Flames) - You don't get Mike Keenan as a coach and then start a 5-year rebuild plan. The Flames are a strong, balanced team with elite goaltending that could use a top-6 player. Keenans and Sutter will covet the "Noonan crack" i.e. a depth guy at the end of career that he can make a hero. Maybe that person is already in place as Owen Nolan.
Doug Wilson (San Jose Sharks) - There seems to be immense pressure on this franchise to win now. I think it's a bit premature considering they're still one of the youngest teams in the league, but I think they'll make at least one move to silence fans and critics. I could see them making a trade with their Montreal buddies and swapping out Marleau for Mark Streit. We call this willingness to bow to external forces a "Pipe Hittin by Peer Pressure Crackhead".
Glen Sather (NY Rangers) - Nobody can count him out of the crack race. While his unwieldy heavy ship is taking on water, he can be counted upon to buy an iceberg and place it front-and-center on deck. He's a "drooling, crappin' his pants junkie" of the Nth degree.

Caps v Bolts - Postgame

2008-02-16T23:55:00.000-05:00

Just made it back to the homestead. 1h 30m door to door isn't too bad and well worth it. I only get to see 2-3 games Caps games per year including one up in DC around Christmas and a weekender in Tampa so the drive is easily justified. Nevermind... the game.

It was a decent game except for the 10 minutes at the end of the second and that minute at the end of the third that almost doomed them. That second period breakdown was like watching a quarter spiral down one of those charity blackhole games where it starts really wide and slow then tightens to a really fast circle then disappears? No? Okay I was cursing and squirming for 10 minutes waiting for the walls to collapse. But Olaf saved the day. He was square and perfect and didn't seemed rattled by the shaky start he had in the first and second.

The two quickies by the Bolts at the end of the game had the Forum shaking. The crowd noise was still at a stupid level when Semin stuffed in the rebound that made it 3-2. It was very surreal as all the Bolts fans sat at once and the Caps fans stood in unison. That was my only yell of the game. A pure knee-jerk fist pump scream. We need more of those ugly beautiful goals.

I'll have to watch the DVR of the game tomorrow to really look at what I think I saw from Lepisto, but he seemed pretty solid, took a couple of shots, and made a pretty slap pass. Erskine was a danger to his own team. Can we take out "Own Goal" insurance on him? It goes like this, we spot the opposition a goal before the game starts and have to pick one bonehead. If we pick Erskine, for instance, any goals that result from that player's head being lodged temporarily in his own ass, don't count. You would think the opposition would jump at this. True, but so would the Caps.

Laing was a stud (welcome back). The first Tampa goal was plain ole' ring around the rosey. You know, run in circles then all fall down. The second was Ovechkin's fault for not picking up the break-out from Olie who relayed it perfectly up the boards to where the LEFT FRICKIN WING should be waiting. Instead, the puck made it to the pinching defenseman who pushed it in and soon enough it was BLOWHORN city. It was at that point I saw the season collapsing which explains why the primordial yell was so needed on the Caps go ahead marker on the next shift. I think I even hugged the guy next to me.

Funny aside... I got a call at 3:00 minutes into the third from Peaker (you know, the other blogger on the site who doesn't blog). He didn't know I was attending the game and he says, "Hey, you're at the game. I just walked into my living room and saw you on TV."

Now, it's late but I'm going to see if I can change Peaker's name to Hide-n-Peeker or maybe Phone-n-Peeker, he can dial a number and have blog entries transcribed by a blogger secretary.

Caps v Bolts - end

2008-02-16T21:59:00.003-05:00

WOOHOO!

More tomorrow.

Caps v Bolts - end of 2nd

2008-02-16T21:59:00.001-05:00

Whew. We look like poo right now. Olie started shaky but he is keeping us in it. The Bolts missed some glorious chances but the rebounds are staying clear. Morrisonn wa pounded twice near us by Vinny and Tarnasky. We need to step it up in the 3rd or we will lose this one.

2008-02-16T20:29:00.000-05:00

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Caps v Bolts - end of 1st

2008-02-16T20:16:00.001-05:00

After starting slow, the Caps carried the play. Lepisto doesn't look out of place and did nice on the 2 on 1 at the start. What's up with our inability to score on 2 on 1? Can't complain too much because Flah eventually got it. Lots of Caps fans nearby to hi five after the goal. Perimeter boy had a couple of strong shifts. Laich is really fast on the D he's playing against. Look for him to have one.

Caps v Bolts - pregame

2008-02-16T19:27:00.001-05:00

We got SWEET seats! 11 rows up behind the Bolts bench strattling the blue line. The scalper was quite pleasant but traffic caused us to miss all but the minute of the warm-up. Ovie was last off and shot a full-courter missing wide. I hope that portends nothing bad.

Scratches are Fehr and Jurcina. Olie in net. Lepisto is in. Sweet. Stay tuned.

Cats/Caps Recap-- plus Melvisdog live from the SPTF

2008-02-16T10:27:00.000-05:00

While wearing my Ovechkin jersey, I will attempt to send live blogging reports directly from my scalped seats someplace from inside enemy territory. My wife, father-in-law, and myself will be making the journey across Central Florida, risking death...er peril.... er ridicule...um, bad thoughts and glances maybe to bring you the most-up-to-the-minute coverage of the Caps v. Tampa 2/16/2008 from the St. Pete Time's Forum.

This should be a good game as Tampa is 6-3-1 in their last 10 while the Caps are 5-4-1. The Caps have lost two in a row for the first time since November which should make them play a pretty feisty, no-holds-barred game (Note: this is not an endorsement to Shaone Morrisonn to hold people whenever possible...coughatlantacoughgame). I expect a good tilt all the way around as the Caps will clutch to their precarious 3rd place while the 'Ning try to pull themselves up.

We, hopefully, will see the premier of Sami Lepisto and the return of the Donald. I'm not sure who they will sit for him, but judging from last night's performance in Sunset, there are many choices. Laing played a physical, drive-the-net, block some shots game that I love to see; Bradley played pretty well in the same mode. Ovie was double-teamed giving Fleischmann a chance to shine, which he did nicely. Backstrom continues to amaze me with his forecheck and puck possession. His game last night was mostly a north/south affair which makes me think he's wearing down a bit not looking to make some of those hard cuts. Semin NEEDS a center to get him the puck in an open space to make him effective. I thought he did well with what he was given.

On the opposite site of my favor were Matt 'Perimeter' Pettinger. The man can absolutely fly out there but he runs so fast around the outside of the play with the puck that its a given that a nudge will make him wipe out. He's definitely lost that driving confidence that made him an in tight scoring threat in the last couple of years.

Eric Fehr's skating is so haphazardous he reminds me of a clothed, newly-born horse whose clothing has been lit on firej and must be taken off while he skates. It amazes me that he doesn't get a high-sticking penalty on every shift. I like his speed, grit, and determination but there's a ton of wasted energy out there.

Gordon, Laich, and Steckel had solid, unspectacular games. I thought Laich could have generated a little more with his speed towards the end of the game. Steckel and Gordon's defense-first mentality is a harbinger for no goals every time they touch the ice. Kozlov was a non-factor which is a shame considering his play of late.

On the defensive side, I thought Schultz played very well. Green was everywhere but took some shortcuts to conserve energy. Eminger was effective in his limited role. Erskine looked overmatched against the top line. Morrisonn was left alone far too much in the defensive zone as his partner raced up ice leading to scoring chances and goals. Somebody needs to buy Jurcina some of those new heated skate blades to get his feet out of the quicksand that seems to immobilize him on some nights.

My conclusion? (Does anybody care?) Start Flash up with the 1st line but be prepared to put Kozlov up there after the first. Bruce needs to find two hard forechecking lines that can get behind Tampa's young defensive core and score some ugly ones. Make Green play defense, conserve energy, and give him orders NOT to challenge beyond the opposing blue line unless he can see only the goalie. He can feign offense but then give Lepisto the 'Go' signal. Once they start paying attention to Lepisto then send Green later in the game. That's the O-Plan. On the D side, Morrisonn should punish Vinny and throw him off. He's very effective when he does this. Limit St. Louis and Prospal to the outside with a fleet of foot 2nd d-man ... i.e. Green who is playing real D. Keep their other lines to the Pettinger...um perimeter, and voila, it's in the bag.

More from Tampa after I get to my seat...

I hate Dan Snyder

2008-02-13T22:49:00.000-05:00

I wrote a big article/rant/drunken diatribe about the evil that is Dan Snyder when I read that he had dismissed Gregg Williams, now I don't care so much. Read between the lines in these articles by some unlucky WaPo writers that must cover the Redskins. Jason LaCanfora says:

Williams's candidacy, during which he'd interviewed four times, was endorsed by many Redskins players, former coach and team president Joe Gibbs and a large number of the team's fans, hundreds of whom posted angry messages on various Internet message boards backing him for the job and decrying the decision.

Everybody has to dance around the elephant in the room that is the Washington coverage of the Redskins...especially when it involves criticizing Citizen Dan (there's a rumored tar pit in Greenbelt filled with the bones of missing Washington sportswriters). You gotta feel for Jason as he dances nimbly between spilling his feelings and getting locked out of the inner circle (which is incidentally filled with only George Michael).

Mike Wise is a little more direct:

It's one thing to leave every outside candidate in the dark after they interview; it's quite another to not speak to the coach who stood by Taylor after each one of his minor transgressions, proclaiming over and over, "I'm a fan of Sean Taylor," while everyone else was doubting the youngster.

Will Dan get more ink about his professional or personal life than me? No doubt, I'm not claiming I'm any better or without flaws but I don't treat people like crap. When he's no longer with us or at the helm of the Skin's will people remember him fondly or just be happy that he'd gone? He's evil, I hate him. This is all true. But I was on the edge of swearing off the Redskins so I hesitated doing such a thing and decided to wait until the morning, then the next day, then the next week, and now it's a full two weeks later and I'm just numb. I love the Redskins/I hate the Snyder. When Snyder (and me) are old and/or dead, the Washington Redskins will live on and he will be footnoted satanic commandant with a noteworthy Napoleon complex.

If Jagr were "Jagr the Blogger"

2008-02-09T09:20:00.000-05:00

Hi, this is Jaromir coming to you 'live' from the internet. Actually, it's not 'live' because I've already typed it, kinda and you are reading it after. But it's 'live' to me (I crack myself up... I'm laughing). If I don't make you laugh, you should know that I really don't care about you. This blogging this is new and kinda cool. I normally only use the internet for gambling and finding women but I will try this once and hope not to disappoint. Normally, I try to only disappoint on the ice, but today I will try to disappoint in blogger world (that's a joke, I'm funny).

Let's see... what about me... hmm. Oh, today I played a very an uninspired game of hockey against my old team, the Washington Capitals. I cannot help it that I play it bad. I saw Nyls before the game and it made me sad again. Plus I didn't like Washington very much as the team wanted to surround me with hard-working types that made me look bad. I don't like to look bad which is why I spend serious money on my hair-stylist. In Washington, I told the press everyday that I was "happy and cannot explain why I play bad". This was my "I just can't be satisfied" whine. It makes GMs feel that you are about to mentally crumble and that they should sell you quickly for a bag of pucks and a Dolly Parton CD compilation.

George McPhee did that for me, sending me to the Rangers who I wanted to play for all the time. I liked them so much and I knew it already.... I mean I didn't know that I REALLY liked them yet, but... I will shut up already.

New York is a great place where building are really tall, legal gambling is a pretty close drive, and I can have anonymous sex with men in park. The fans loved me for a time but now the people are starting to treat me not so nice. I try to play better but they would not sign my slow playmaking center Nylander to a contract extension and it is their fault I play badly. I cannot blame me if they do not surround me with at least 5 Czechs, two interpreters, a snow cone machine in my apartment, and a playmaking center that likes slow play like me. Now the fans, they boo me here too, but I don't care. I'm going to Russia to play next year with my buddy Yashin. To all those who bought my sweater, screw you, I'm rich, beootch.

Good ju-ju from bad musings

2008-02-02T08:37:00.000-05:00

A couple items on this fine Saturday:

Damn. The boy's DO read my junk as evidenced by their 5-4 victory over Les Bleu blanc et rouge. I said Ovechkin has an 'off-game' by his standards and he gets biblical calling on the four horsemen and doom and end of the world craziness. He has powers beyond my reckoning. Where did this conjuring of god-like will start, you wonder? Well, I wonder too.
Everybody please welcome "The Legend of Pat Peake" to Melvis the Snowdog. He will be contributing to the site... at some point, I guess. If fact, Peaker, when were you planning on contributing?
A 4 point night on the sked against Atlanta at the Verizon Center tonight. If you're in DC, go to the game and trash the Thrash.
Items from around the blogosphere that are worth seeing:

The highlight reel from the 5-4 game of the Habs v Caps
The All-Star Team of UGLY - shout out to Kevin Shultz of FanHouse for finding this gem
"A Night to Remember" -- Finally some mainstream media credit to the Caps from the Washington press (outside of Corey & Tarik)
A truly disturbing band on Conan with a bassist wearing a Caps shirt -- Shout to JP

And lastly....

A Jon Kordic tribute (this is part 2 but part 1 wasn't as fun)

A muffled starting gun, perhaps?

2008-01-30T13:01:00.000-05:00

Did none of the Caps read my last entry that the "RACE IS ON"? The answer to that would be a resounding, "NO, YOU IDIOT. Nobody reads this garbage, certainly not NHL players." I'll stop using all caps now, but seriously. You would have thunk the boys thought playing the #2 team in the East would be a cake walk. They thunk bad, and done got smoked.

Before I rail on all that was bad in that game.... and there was a LOT of it (crap, there's goes more all caps, sorry). I'll start with what was good.

Johnson's positioning was good for three of the goals. On Koivu's goal he overreacted and pushed himself completely away from the near post where Saku drained it.
I finished cooking dinner at 7:40 and was always a couple of minutes behind the game on the trusty DVR. I was able to skip commercials and flip to primaries coverage between periods. A nice and relaxing time with the remote was in my grasp, except...

... there was a matter of having to watch that game: ouch.

Ovie, who is normally never to fault, was getting out of position trying to tatoo Komisarek and seemed visibly off his game. And I think Kovalev must have called for a centering pass in Russian in the third when Ovie placed on his tape going the other direction. He looked befuddled.

Erskine. Mr. Mean-face was pretty exposed. I didn't like the pairing with Green when it was announced but didn't think it could look that bad. I won't recount the turnovers and penalties but will end by saying he should be used in tandem with a mobile partner that has a modicum of defensive responsibility (i.e. anybody but Green).

Semin. Lost. Fleischman. Lost. Pettinger. Lost. Greggie? Dead. Niedermayer!? Dead. You get the message.

"The playoff race is now on..."

2008-01-26T08:33:00.001-05:00

That's a quote fromTed Leonsis... that with some other things yesterday. To reflect, this is a league where the Caps can rise from the cellar to be within 1 point of the division lead in 2 months. However, I have to believe that a sudden drop-off is just as possible. To quote the Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction, "Let's not start [congratulating ourselves in a very homoerotic method] yet". If you look at the other drastic changes in the NHL since the coming of Bruce the Almighty, you'll see other seemingly unbelievable trends. For example, at the mid-November mark...

The Blackhawks were second in the Central and fourth overall in the West
The Coyotes were in 14th place (and had only just acquired their savior, Bryzgalov)
The Penguins were struggling mightily (as #1 pick Fleury started nearly every game)
People still thought the Sabres were just having a "slow start"
The Flyers had only had two suspensions

Therefore, nothing about the Caps dramatic rise ensures end of season success. However, to be fair, a researcher in Edmonton put together some statistical analysis that takes into account a team's winning percentage, strength of schedule, and other things* If you look towards the middle of the the Eastern Conference percentages on that other site...done? Good. The Caps fall right below the Rangers and Islanders but above the Hurricanes to make the post-season. Pretty sweet, but it points out our boys haven't won anything yet. What it really says is that the Caps need our support for this final push. So for those that live in DC, this means, simply, that you must support your team and make it out to the games. You should paint your face, drink excessively, and taunt opposing players (especially any whose last name rhymes with "Fogger"... or whose first name sounds like... nevermind. Call Jagr a "Ninny". He hates that). You need to find the inner barbarian that hides deeply in all DC sports fans. It's that little voice that screams, "I detest Flyer fans! I'm sick of the massively, intimidating Western Pennsylvania brutes that uncloak their undersized flightless waterfowl fanaticism twice a year! I'm not a middle-class, white-collar minivan executive from the suburbs. I'm a fuckin' warrior God sent down from the hills of Rockville and Fairfax to protect this great city-state DC by shield and spear. To all that is good and gracious, I shall die at the foot of the Mall, fighting the invading northern hordes!" That's the voice, baby. You're hearing it.

Like I said, all denizens of DC & suburbia must unite and sacrifice. The statistic guru has shown that we have an excellent chance to make the run for the playoffs and actually watching games, I believe it. And as I learned in geometry, 44 percent is remarkably close to 50 percent, or better yet '51' percent. And 51% means there's a better chance of success than failure (I figured that out all by myself... thank you Montgomery Co. schools). It means that YOU can tip the balance. YOU can make a difference. Forget your job and familial obligations. Screw the upcoming elections. YOU are the unknown (the dreaded X-factor) in a race where your support can oust the incumbent and proclaim a new epoch. So after the battlefield has been swept clean of the carnage, bodies and blood, the Caps shall stand triumphant on the pitch begging for more. I'll watch on CenterIce from Florida, screaming with them. Most of you will die in the struggles, but it is a sacrafice that I'm willing to make.

*"Other factors" include less concrete items such as how much the hockey gods hates your team. If you haven't clicked on the article link, do so now. You won't see it written in the article, but it jumps out of the statistics. How could the Edmonton Oilers, who came so close to winning the whole enchilada two years ago have a 1% chance of making it? Former chamption Lightning at 11% and the famed Leafs at 3%? It can only be explained by a higher intelligence that punishes the smug. If I'm wrong (and I'm rarely right), I'm pretty sure this scientist has factored all possible diety intervention into the final quotient. Or perhaps he is a demented genius plotting to take over the world from his subarctic lair using statistical anomaly to twist most everyday occurances on their ear. With all mundane events explained in such technical terms, the unexpected and unforeseen will become welcome and novel. Once the writer strike has sufficiently lulled us into a complete Reality-TV stupor, his army shall be unleashed... Umm.... Where the hell was I? Sorry about that, but I've had to substitute my regular coffee with decaf spiked with Robitussin DM.)

Random thoughts...

2008-01-16T23:40:00.000-05:00

How in the hell can the Caps beat the Senators 4 times in a season but still cannot figure out how to beat the Panthers?

I'd like to see the All-Star game played during the exhibition stage of the season. In this game I'd like competition... They don't have to kill one another but there should be something that gets them motivated. Money? A signed autograph of Jiri Tlusty? There's got to be something that gets them motivated to try and actually win.

Had Mike Green scored on his race by Biron on Sunday, the Caps would have beat Philadelphia, and that goal would be run on SportsCenter every hour until Green was selected to the East team.

A top-five list that will never make Espo's show on XM. My top-five current most annoying players in the league. Some players I cannot stand because they're cheap, others because they whine:

5. Chris Neil -- The man can play hockey but incessantly runs his mouth which means that if you're watching on TV you have to look at his face and his mouth and gums.

4. Jarrko Ruutu -- Cheap shots galore are given in abundance from the Finnish pest

3. Sean Avery -- Another player who is actually pretty good and universally despised. I think it was Owen Nolan that was quoted as saying while he played for LA that even his own team hated him.

2. Ryan Hollweg -- Mr. Elbows runs around with his number 1 mission being to yap as much as possible in his 4:53 of hockey per night. I saw that he scored a couple of goals the other night. Wonders will never cease.

1. Darcy Tucker -- I'll enjoy watching the Leafs suffer as long as he is on that team. His yapping to the opposition while at the same time whining to the refs during games makes watching their games painful. Prior to his tenure with the Leafs, I liked them. After he leaves, I'll probably like them again. It's for this amazing ability to turn me off to an entire team that he takes top honors.

Honorable mentions: Ian Laperriere, Jordin Tootoo, Chris Pronger, Sidney Crosby, Jaromir Jagr
Some might call this list the "Players That You Friggin' Hate Unless They're On Your Team".

Thoughts?

Dan Snyder Buys Washington Capitals

2008-01-10T14:03:00.000-05:00

In a move that has rocked the hockey world to its foundation, Dan Snyder, current owner of the Washington Redskins has purchased the Washington Capitals hockey team for a staggering $600 million. Asked why he overpaid for the franchise by some estimates of $400 mil, Mr. Snyder responded, "Because now my team is the best one out there. Look how much it cost, for god's sake?"

Having attended a fantasy hockey draft party earlier in the season, Mr. Snyder had apparently developed a fondness for ice hockey and began scouting possible teams to purchase about a week ago. When he didn't receive a return call from previous owner Ted Leonsis, Mr. Snyder instructed his finance team to buy the MCI Center, the surrounding 12 city blocks, its shops, the shopkeepers, nearby pedestrians, and panhandlers.

In his press conference, Mr. Snyder finished by saying, "I hope to do the people of Washington a great service by buying... er... bringing them a championship. Washingtonians deserve the Stanley Cup once again!" When it was pointed out by the Washington Post correspondent Tarik El-Bashir than the Washington Capitals have never won the Cup in their 34 years, Mr. Snyder very calmly informed Tarik that he was no longer granting interviews to the Washington Post.

Immediately following his press conference, Mr. Snyder announced that he had hired George Allen's ghost to be the new head coach and that he will personally take over the General Manager capacity from, George McPhee. Since taking the reigns, he has signed forwards Wayne Gretzky, Gordie Howe, Toe Blake (d. 1995), and defensive back Deion Sanders. Apparently, when approached by Mr. Snyder for second run at a championship, Deion replied, "Deion has a deep appreciation for the trust Mr. Snyder has in Deion to save his ... uh.. hockey? Yeah, hockey team."

Getting the ugly win... for a change

2008-01-09T22:37:00.000-05:00

Unlike past grinder games, the Caps finally finished one out tonight. I was poised for a really depressing Islander-like, come-from-ahead-to-lose, loss. This is one of the games they have to win if they want to threaten for a playoff spot. They have shown in the last month that they match up well with teams that want to run and gun, but continue to lose to teams who play around the periphery and between the blue lines. I give as examples, the last Islanders game... er, every Islanders game, most games versus the Panthers, and even the Bruins game last week where the Caps are clearly more talented, have grit but cannot put the other guys away.

That mojo changed tonight as the Caps' grinders out-grinded the Avs. It was a fairly boring game, but screw it. Olie played like he's worth 5.5 mil, Steckel scored, Bradley had a 4 second fight.... what's not to like? We've had a dearth of garbage goals around here, it's time to make up for all the lost goals that Pettinger, Kozlov, and the rest of secondary scoring hasn't provided. Viva la garbage!

Why the heck blog?

2008-01-07T23:35:00.000-05:00

There's a hundred hockey blogs out there that I read regularly. Sometimes I respond and post my own thoughts but most of the time I just talk to myself about them. But my wife touched on something tonight that I've been thinking for awhile when she said, "Do you read anything you don't have an opinion on? Why don't you have a blog?". My immediate response was, "Well... I'm not more insightful than these guys... I'm not funny... I don't live in a hockey city... I can't... (many, many more excuses...) I don't floss often... I haven't exercised in months..." In other words, there was no excuse and most importantly: there's really NO REASON TO READ THIS BLOG (unless you have nothing better to do with your time and wish to read the opinion of, yet another, hockey blogger).

As I mentioned before, I don't live in a hockey town. Orlando, Florida has exactly two hockey rinks and they're both in the RDV Sportsclub (whose name I believe memorializes the infamous "aRRR tis Da Vegans" quote from the host at nearby DisneyWorld's Pirates of the Carribean ride during 2005's Gay and Lebian day). The venue is owned by the DeVos family (who own the Red Wings farm team, the Griffins). In the offseason (and at the oddest and most random times), we'll hear the Wings are in town and practicing. That's the extent of the hockey in this town. But I digress... as I mentioned there's no hockey here, so lets get back to me.

Melvis the Snowdog is a nickname for my husky, Melvin. When I first moved to Orlando and started fraternizing with the yokels, I met a dude through a girl I was dating who didn't understand that my dog was, in fact, not a wolf but a husky. And who was also hard of hearing in his more often than not inebbriated form and heard Melvin's name as "Melvis". So for awhile, his name was Melvis the Wolf, but that really scared the kiddies in the neighborhood so I didn't call him that much longer so I demoted him back to "Melvis the Snowdog".

For this blog, I will post my thoughts to the betterment or sullyingment (is that a word?) of mankind about: (I dont' think these are in any particular order)

General hockey happenings (trade analysis, hot topics, etc)
The progress (or regress) of my Caps
Fantasy hockey
Plain hockey hockey
My love for hockey blogging
Hockey trends
Hockey fashion
Hockey shrimp
The plight of flightless waterfowl

Keep on keepin' on.